My Little Piggy

goodbye my friend

2011-12-31T02:24:00.003+08:00

It was a colleague's last day today (30.12.2011), infact mixed feelings coz I'm happy he found a job which he has always been looking for. Sad that I can no longer see him around whenever I turn my head to my left while seated at my work station.

Nevertheless, I still wish him all the best coz I truly believe he will have a bright future coz when you are doing something you love, you will sure to excel and eventually shine like a star and make a name for yourself.

So Faud brother, I believe you can do it!! Please keep in touch and take good care of yourself!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

2011-12-25T01:36:00.002+08:00

Merry Christmas everyone!!

I wish you hope, happiness and love in all that you do!

There is hope....in what you may ask.

In life and in this world...whenever you are ready to open up to make a change, to believe, to receive love, help, etc. with an open heart, I truly believe there is hope in pple and in the society that we live in....

Saw this document in CNA and was touched by this lady's story - Huang Li, a earthquake survivor in a town of Sichuan . She not only picked herself up, continue to live on but she is helping others to stand on their own feet despite she is handicapped herself.

this is truly a remarkable story and though a difficult journey but she fight on, with dignity, strength , passion and love. visit link: http://www.xinqicheng.com/index.asp for more info.

Do you want my spectacles?

2011-12-25T01:30:00.002+08:00

Matt(pointing at a moving bus advertisement): what is that, mummy?

Me (squinting my eyes): ermmmmmm....where?? which one??

Matt(took off his spects almost immediately): oh mummy, you can't see is it?? why are you squeezing your eyes like that?? Do you want my spectacles??

Me: LOL....no need. I have PERFECT EYESIGHT!! But the words are really too small and so far away now, I can't figure that out..

Matt: ermmhhhh then you should wear my spectacles to make your eyes even more PERFECT what!!

Me (slapped forehead): Aiyo Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu......

Master Of Study OST - Spread It's Wings

2011-12-10T02:47:00.000+08:00

another nice show and nice song....very funny show and it reminded me of my secondary days!

Kelly Clarkson - Mr. Know It All

2011-12-10T01:59:00.000+08:00

super love this track!!!

such a cutie in your own way....

2011-12-09T23:35:00.002+08:00

I rushed to city square mall in a cab to grab dinner for us both and as if like a ape who runs with 2 feet and uses 2 arms to bring the body forwad in a appy way....I walked and somehow fly home so fast and finally 'touched down'....LOL..

I saw my poor piggy, sitting slouching in the living room and I bet he is hungry...gry...gry...gry....he finished his dinner faster then he said: mummy!!!

We sat down, relaxed and watched TV....cutie little piggy placed my chucky feet onto his tiny-ier version of chucky feet....

Me: hey Matthew, what are you....errrr(pointed my leg on his leg)...doing?

Matt: oh mummy, don't you worry....I just want you to relax so I put your feet on on my (tiny feet) lah.

Me: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.....ohhhhhhh, you are mummy's cute little boy!!!

Matt(pushes up the spects): yeah, I know....

Me: (+___________+)

It's a waste of time.....

2011-12-09T22:14:00.003+08:00

Matt(around 7pm): hmmmm mummy, what time are you coming home? I'm very hungry, you know...

Me(super sorry): ohhhhhh matthew, mummy need to work and will come home the soonest when I can.

Matt: hmmmm, hmmmmm...mummy, can you hurry a little coz I'm really very hungry....

Me(super pai sey): ok, mummy promised will fast fast reach home yeah!!
================================

Becoz of some irresponsible bugger, so I can't go home on time....seriously, what happened to the pple nowadays?? I'm hungry never mind, hearing it fm matt just reminds me, what I've done is seriously not worthwhile and a waste of MY TIME. the time could have been well spent when I use it for a fart!!!!

===============================
Matt(around 7:30pm): hmmm mummy, are you coming home anytime soon?

Me (no know what to say): okay, okay...mummy is actually in the bus now...can u hear the ding dong (mimic bus ding dong)?

Matt: no no, mummy...can I eat the bread inside the fridge 1st?

Me: oh yeah!!! how can I forget about the bread in the fridge??? Please eat it and wait for me at home, k??

Matt: okay...bye bye mummy!

Me (super guiilty ever): bye bye Matthew.....(hahaha, clever son...he makes sure he grab 'something' to stomach it whenever he is hungry!!)

should we move???

2011-12-07T00:43:00.002+08:00

saw some new flats near my mum's place - telok blangah towers and we emailed HDB to check if there are any balance units. waiting for HDB to reply us....

actually I have mixed feelings about moving coz I love it here...afterall, we had stayed here for 7 years and 8 months now...and after we moved in for a day, I delivered Matt at KKH. so the flat is about the same age as Matthew, that is already a memorable event for us together with our flat!

To think that the day Matt was borned, his birthdate was opened on the same day and we never buy!!!!! 0410 on the day of 10th april 2004....huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, we never buy!!! Let's see what HDB say then we decide what to do next....

Being a child

2011-12-04T04:06:00.007+08:00

saw this epi fm CNA titled: being a child - featured primary school going children around Asia (Taiwan, HK, India, spore, Malaysia, etc.) and how pressured and stressed were their parents fm looking for a good school to moving their home to be near the prestige school in order to higher the chance fm getting into it to the number of extra classes to add on to the 'port folio' and how they enrol their child to prepare the primary school 'interview'....

I could only shake my head when I see all this happening not only in Singapore but all around the world...I can't say for sure if this is right or wrong coz every children wish the best for their child...but I have to agreed on one of the educator said: it might be your dream but it is not your child's dream to get into the school of your choice...

Another principal said:
I believe that very soon, we must come to realisation that it is crazy to cram our children to 8 - 9 extra activities in a week. We are exhausting them. They're left with no spare time to dabble in creative activities. Every child is like a blank sheet of paper. When they are learning, they are absorbing anything. at the same time, you need to allow them opportunities to explore and realise their potential because every child has different abilities.
We must let them explore and not restrict them too much. So I feel when we plan lessons and activities for children, do help with their arrangements. give them room to explore at their own pace.
Parents can observe fm their side and discover their child's potential.

What this principal said is so true to the core...what happens to those parents who could not afford the 2 / 3 / 4 extrat classes for their kids? It does not mean their kids will not be successful but I believe the amount the exposure still do a part. Of course, one may say...the more clasess they attend, the more exposure they get...true to some point but at the end of the day, the child will be the happiest when they are with us - the parents...not how many classes they attend, how thick is their 'port folio' in order to get into the primary school.

Yet another great principal fm Fresh Fish Trader's School who accepts students (whether with good or bad grades, and even give tuition to the weaker students to catch up) said:
regardless of social status, Hong Kong parents place strong emphasis on their kids' education, eventhough they may be poor. Everyone knows that education helps in social mobility.
Education will change your fate. You may be born into a poor family, yet if you study hard, you can change your circumstancces.

(the programme futher said, HK gave free educations for 12 years but family still needs to pay some money a year so school came up with an innovative ideal to motivate their students and parents alike to improve themselves)

Why do we reward supermarket vouchers and not stationery? We started off with staionery, but we realiexed parents weren't aware. But when we award supermarket vohcers, the students will show their parents. When their parents are buying things in the supermarket, they will think to themselves, my kid is quite smart to win this voucher. In this way, parents can keep track of their child's progress.

There is a saying fm this book I've read: Change a person, and you change a family. Change a family and you change a society. change a society and you change a county, and maybe even the world. I hope as educators we must exercise a responsibility to teach our kids well and to develop their talents to the fullest. This is my ideal.
========================

wow, it sets me thinking...what had we taught our child or the children around us?? Have we been showing a good example to our young or young ones around us? a simple act of kindness, of puting the blanket to Matthew...if I didn't show it to him, I wonder will he feel the warmth and love and so wanted to do the same to me?? It warms my heart to know there are educators who realy teaches fm the heart and we need more educators like this principal to be planted in all parts of the world....

my sweetie little piggy...

2011-12-04T03:43:00.002+08:00

I fell asleep at the living room while watching the TV and woke up with the blanket on me...

Matt: oh mummy, you woke up oredi?

me: yeah....did you put the blanket for me?

Matt: yeah, me lah...I think you will be cold so I go to the room and put on you.

me: oh, you are so sweet huh.

Matt(with a super apa then look): yeah lah, I know what....

me (wide grin side to side): lol...

I'm dying for a getaway.....

2011-12-04T03:03:00.002+08:00

after gyane said, to monitor for another 6 months...haha, gyane asked why I so naughty, never eat the hormones pills...seriously, I'm so afraid that I'll have depression above my already depression condition so I never take meh....then gyane said: condition of everyone is different and so will have abdominal pain instead....I was like: HUH???? Like that, I still wanna take the pills meh???

yeah, forget to mention, I bet why the cream shrunk the lumps in me is because of the whatever substance in it that will balance my imbalance hormones so, out with the pills and in with the cream!! another good thing about the Meditrina Ageless Herbal Cream are : it get rids of water retention, increase metabolism and many many more!! I won't said it is a miracle cream but it works for me though!!

Finally I can set my mind to plan for a getaway...I've been wanting to go for one specially BKK...since 2008, 2009 and 2010 then one story after another happened so neber get to go for one to R&R...But now the flood came....gotta wait for flood to tide down or at least dry up before we set foot to BKK to shop till we drop!!! hahahahahahahahahaha, I can't wait for this day to come....

I wanted to go HK too but it's so costly compared to BKK....I missed those carefree days where I could fly to anywhere, I want and wish and could....USA, Japan, Korea, Taiwan, BKK, Vietnam, etc. Frankly, I could still do it now but as we age...our priority changes too....

K'NEX | Shop | Monster Jam

2011-12-03T20:30:00.000+08:00

K'NEX | Shop | Monster Jam

went to see gyane yesterday....after 6 months fm the last day op.

2011-12-03T17:08:00.002+08:00

while I was getting ready for the ultrasound, the annoying mobile phone rang, rang and rang. after answering the phone, I took a deep breathe to let the doctor scan and do her staff on my belly and Vi Vi...and continued to wait for 2 hours for the result. when It was my turn to see the gyane, he pause for a long while and said:they had shrunk!!! to my surprise, it became smaller....

remembered I burnt my pocket and signed up a massage package? they recommended me to use: Meditrina Ageless Herbal Cream (see details at this link - http://www.meditrina.com.sg/Detail.php?ProductID=10) and after using it for less then 2 weeks, I believe it is the reason the cysts and firbroids had shrunk... this cream is Specifically developed to alleviate hormone imbalance symptoms and beauty problems related to hormonal imbalances.

I was quite skeptical about the benefits of the cream but I just use it anyway coz it comes free together with the package..who knows this is really working for me!!! so so so, I'm gonna use this cream faithfully once a day and once at nite...though the original price don't come cheap at all - $178 for a mere 75ml....nothing comes cheap these days but if it can prolong your life (somehoe), it's worth every penny to buy it and use it!

bd oh bd.....

2011-11-26T16:26:00.002+08:00

the last time we visited pet safari @ vivo city...we saw a saw bd (bulldog), we wanted to bring her home but it's a whoa $6.9k.....omg, it's really costly...so we are thinking of other breeds and at the meantime, we are saving up...hoping for a miracle that some pet shop is willing to part their bd at a lower price...oh, we will have to put that a side for now.

so funny that jK commended, $6.9k is enough to visit europe and still have some cash back compared to buying a bd....yeah, I have to somehow agreed to that but bd is here to stay with us for at least 10+ years...so depends on what you are looking for, you chose which ever that makes you happy, I guess.....

johor premium outlets...here we come!

2011-11-26T16:23:00.001+08:00

it's been a long time since I spend like crazy....will i do that at jpo?? I hope not coz I jus burnt a $1k hole in my pocket when I went for a massage trial recently and frankly, it work really well for me so I sign up and hope it will do the same magic when I visit them the next time...

We will visit jpo next week and hopefully, they have what they promise...up to 65% discount!!!

whoa....here we come!! (click on title to visit link of jpo!

I want a bulldog........

2011-11-14T00:57:00.002+08:00

went to the AVA pet show today...thinking we might bring a pet home, so sad...it's not selling pet at all...just a road show to create awareness and how to be a responsible pet owner....

not only me that am disappointed...poor Matt am disappointed too....

it's a fact that I will not have another baby...I'm kinda super sad about that....sometimes, my heart still breaks when I see babies...thinking how much I love to have one too but can't....still am not over the fact yet.

I've always wanted to have a dog...not b'coz of not able to have a baby...my buddies will know how I wanted to have a pet...after how I allowed Sarah to lick my ulcer...yucks, some might felt but I didn't think that way that time...

hahaha, the next day...my lips ballooned to a giant hot dog lips...probably due to the infection of a dog's saliva on me, I don't know for sure....

recently went to the web, thinking I could look for cheap buy....not that i am cheap skate but a pure breed can be up to 5K....oh man, that's super exxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.....found a few only asking for 200, emailed them and it turn out they are fraudsters....they say gotta charge me $x for transport fee fm Malaysia to Singapore???

so the hunt will go on will now....if you have any good lobangs, pls buzz me yeah!!!

Gonna get a free king size platform bed frame...

2011-10-15T00:24:00.002+08:00

got the above lobang fm yahoo recyle group....I just need to transfer the lorry charge of $60 to her and it will be delivered to our home earliest by this sunday...

ever since the queen size bed was thrown away, I have been sleeping on the floor and gave up the only mattress to dear round Matt. Sometimes, he let me sleep (he he, times when I complain of severe back pain).

saving up $ to buy king size mattress so the free platform bed frame really do help to save some $...looking forward for that day to come....

I'm in great great pain....

2011-10-15T00:16:00.003+08:00

I'm under the weather since late Monday this week...it got worst after I kena Matthew's deadly virus. It's like a super buffet now - like how you are already eating seafood and you pass by this meat section and the peking duck seems to be siming at you - saying - try me, try me.

of course, I don't have a choice when I'm stuck with the super virus, my arms and hands have to kick in extreme pain now. It's not fun at all to work or rest at home like that. The latest news: I'm running a fever....

But I'm determined to bring the items to the scape tomorrow and to my super early b'day gift. If you are reading this, don't waste your money buying b'day gift for me. I don't need anything material...I need time and health which money cannot buy...

Thank you, my buddies for the super early b'day gift - Kit Chan concert tomorrow evening!

Frankly, I don't have an Idol but I kinda like her and kinda grew up with her songs...the same with the many other wonderful singers like Faye Wong, Jacky Cheung, etc.

Unless I faint and I'm really not well...then I might change my mind to not go to one of them. It seems that I need to learn how to live with this chronic painful arms and hands for a long long time....

Give Hope This October 15 & 16 @ Scape (1030am to 6pm)

2011-10-15T00:05:00.002+08:00

Do you remember how it's like?
When you are hungry and you will think of what to eat?
when you are cold and you'll pull a jacket or a blanket to fight the cold?
======================
Some unfortunate pple are not able to do that and they lost their lives.....

I came across this event organiser - radion-international fm the Yahoo recycle group and they are appealing for:

1. Warm clothes (ie Jackets, blankets, children’s clothes in good condition)
2. Hygiene Items (ie soap, shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush etc)
3. Canned or Dried food items (with at least 6 months towards expiry)
4. Medical Supplies
5. Used mobile phones (which will be sold to offset shipping costs)

to be given to the roughest neighborhoods in Northern Thailand reaching the critically needy, helping abused womenfolk and rescuing street children.

I remembered the polite, nice nature and kind hearted Thais whenever I travelled and go on shopping spree. This will be a good time to lend a helping hand. I'll make a trip to Scape tomorrow with Matthew''s undersize blanket and his once upon a time baby blanket and many of his baby clothes.

If you do have the above which you no longer need / use, do consider giving it to the less fortunate..

It might save or make a difference in their lives....(click onto the title to go to the NGO's link directly)

Mother and son suicide murder @ bedok reservoir

2011-09-24T21:14:00.004+08:00

Saw the news on the mother and son murder suicide @ Bedok Reservoir...it's a sad and tragic story...no mother will resort to do this if not for the desperation and depression that she went through...

++I went thru that some months ago and I knew how it is like. I don't consider myself 'lucky' or 'fortunate' that I didn't jump off the cliff to end Matt and my life. I do not know how, why and when...I found the strength to go against all odds to stay alive and I'm thankful to friends and family for not giving up on me though I pushed, pulled away, screamed (maybe), shouted (perhaps), cast some nasty remarks and showed cold shoulders to them.

To my friends and family (you know who you are): I'm sorry if I've put you thru hell when I'm gg thru one myself. It is not in my intention to hurt you in anyway if I had done so one way or another. That's not me in my healthy self. That's me when I'm totally drained, @ zero energy, @ zero trust, over 100% angry with what went on in my life and trying very hard to make sense about why it happened... I was badly hurt by the person I trusted the most and I'm confused, I know not who I could open my heart to...I'm not CNN or CNBC or CNA, I don't know how to fake it if my heart is not into it...

I am on the path of recovery now but not totally shaken off my depression . Sometimes I'm still confused if I'm in it or out of it...I'm sorry to have been absent as a friend whom I use to be to you. I do not think I could regain the same role that I used to play in your life coz I'm still figuring out where I am now before I know what I should do next...I wish you, my friends and family....well in all that you do. I hope to re-join you at where we left off when I'm up and ready ...in the near future...

continue fm ++: I heard a little voice that said: don't give up, hang up to the thread. Frankly, I'm not sure how but I kinda found the strength to live one day at a time. Despite how I felt, I went ahead to live, to stay alive, to go for counselling though I very much don't feel like doing so. For I know, Matthew still needs me and he needs me to be well, to protect and shield him fm harm which frankly, I failed so terribly.

It seems like yesterday coz I could still feel how it's like when you are in depression...the hopelessness and how you wish to be left alone and that nothing could be done to make thing better....there is nothing much anyone can do if the subjects do not open up to seek help. Family and friends could only keep a watchful eyes on the subjects, to tell them there are avenues available to seek help. Family and friends could continue to give the subjects space but to continue to cast their eyes on the subject, to continue to shower them love. Hopefully, the subjects will be able to open up to receive help fm pple. Frankly, there are so much one can do if the subjects do not wish to help themselves. I'm speaking this as someone who had went thru this, not speaking on behalf of anyone.

RIP, Mdm Tan and Jerald Chin...wherever you were now.

In great deal of pain....

2011-09-22T21:19:00.003+08:00

I'm in great deal of pain since last 2 weeks....my neck and back pain just didn't get any better and it spread to my hands....can't really describe the pain but it is 10 times of muscle ache and as if a army of red ants feeding to your bones...

Went to specialist and they said: nothing is wrong???? Went to polyclinic: pain killer didn't help....what can I do next?? Gonna see the sin sen tomorrow.....

the X factor

2011-09-22T21:04:00.002+08:00

saw the x factor today and was deeply moved with the story of one contestant...a 42year old most pretty mother I've ever seen...what attracted me to her is not how pretty she is but how talented she is and of what she said about her life...

she met someone in her 20s to 30s and this someone kept telling her that she is too old and she is not talented at all...and she kinda believe in him and he pushed her all around....somehow, she left him and now with a 3 year old boy and a little baby, she stood up on her own and believe she is indeed talented and she is not old at all..

when she stood on the stage, when she opened her mouth to finally sing....I cried...tears of joy and victory for her and her children....she has such a beatiuful soul....she sang it all, she sang about her life and her hopes and her wishes....tears rolled down my eyes and...

Matt: mummy, are you crying??

me(jumped up): yeah, how did you know...

Matt: I saw you crying and I cried too....

me(still tearing): why do you cry, Matthew?

Matt(with tears in his eyes): because she won....

See how this lady touches my and Matthew's heart....she will be a Mega star one day!!!

I can't help it but wonder, will I have my break one day??

I crawled to work today....

2011-09-13T00:54:00.002+08:00

after the one week break, lazing at home and going to doctor's appointment every other day and running errands and taking lots and lots of rest to ease the neck, back and stomach pain and giddy spells....I started work today...I nearly dozed off at work...

hahaha, could not sleep well at night as usual whether I'm working anot but after the long break, I just somehow lost the momentum...and after working for one day, I'm off the next day....alamak, how to start this old engine fm oiling....

somehow I'm Glad to be off tomorrow coz suddenly my stomach so pain so pain that I nearly fainted while I'm Q-ing up to buy dinner at Boon Keng hawker center...at least I could rest and tomorrow the recycle guy can pick up the clothes fm our messy house and I can continue to run the errands if I'm not too tire and to fetch Matt fm student care and to teach him Mandarin spelling after his dinner. Weekdays is like impossible to squeeze in any free time for myself when Matt is schooling. Weekends?? Maybe a little bit of time to nap coz I'll be busy coaching Matt his school work for the following week. Need to space out the HW and spellings coz he hate to write so I could only hope by giving him a longer time to rest, he could perhaps complete his HW and I can rest a little....this is the me, not expecting anything fm his school work or result, afterall, he is only at P1 so I let him be

I'm not so into result, I'm more concern that he is happy in what he do coz like his name, if he is happy in what he do, he will excel in all that he do too....

ring ring....

2011-09-13T00:46:00.002+08:00

back to the day when I 1st saw the actual bone specialist at SGH...I was asked to draw some blood for testing the whatever required to be tested...but I'm suppose to be at KKH liao to see Matt's ENT doctor.

Me (seated and nurse had poked the needle, drawing the blood and the phone rang): hello matthew, mummy is not at KKH yet...please wait for me, okay...

Matt: but mummy, where are you now?? what are u doing there??

Me: ermmm...I'm at SGH and the nurse is poking the needle, drawing blood now..

Matt: ohhhhhh...pain anot??

Me(face squeezed together like a piece of dough, not with the pain but with his questionssss): Not really but I want to hang up so my hand are not tied up with holding the phone...can I call you later?

Matt: okay....but you kept me waiting leh...

Me (LOL): okay, I'm sorry....I will rush over soon!
(haha, I did not expect him to said: you kept me waiting leh....simple words coming out fm Matt's mouth just sounded so cute!)

you are such a good cook.....

2011-09-13T00:30:00.004+08:00

Brought Matt to my mum's house for lunch the other day...it's been a while since Matt tasted grandma's cooking and as usual he loves my mum's food!!

While seated on the table, busy eating...with my mum still busy cooking a storm at the kitchen...

Matt (at the top of his voice): AH MAH, THE FOOD IS VERY YUMMY!! You and papa are very good cook!!

Me: How about mummy?

Matt (peep at me while he swallow the delicious ngoh hiang): Ermhhh you ah, mummy? Only knows how to use the microwave and cook Maggie mee lah.

Me: really mah? sometimes I also cook eggs what....

Matt (very busy eating and looking down at the food): Not fair what...cooking must use fire but you use microwave...the egg also microwave what.

Me (slapped forehead): yeah lah, yeah lah...mummy lousy cook lah...hahahahahaha

Sleep doctor discharge me as normal...angry with the bone traniee doctor.

2011-09-13T00:04:00.002+08:00

I had to visit SGH twice on 2 separate days last week coz the sleep and bone doctor had different clinic days...oh well, I came back with one happy news which is the sleep doctor discharged me as normal which means it is safe for me to go for any operation and not worrying if I will die in my sleep due to sleep apnea.

anyhow, went back the other day last week to see the bone doctor but the specialist need to leave urgently so I was attended by the so call specialist assistance. You see, I have not issue with any assistance or trainee doctor as long as you tell me what I need to know. I can't stand pple who patronise me with : oh, the blood test is alright and don't even bother to read up my case and instead I have to repeat myself to tell you my problem. What is this??

Whether I'm paying specialist or the assistance or the polyclinic price to hear this...it doesn't matter. What matter is, your don't care attitude and just want to get things done...this I cannot take it.

You see, what happened was - I went to the room and I saw 3 different young doctors sitting in the room - one on the chair, one on the ledge of the cabinet extension and the other seated on a chair near the cabinet. The way they sat and the body language they portray already told me: are they serious with their job or do they know what they are doing? So I seated next to the young lad who is sitting and facing the computer terminal...waiting for him to tell me the result of the blood test and my x ray results. He simply said: oh, you don't have to worry.everything seems norma and nothing to be alarmed of but I gotta watch out for my salt, beans and meat intake coz the something in my blood shows i have high chance of getting gout (if I spelt it correctly..a kind of joint pain on your foot)

and he quickly brushed it off as if he wants to see the next patient almost immediately...I asked him: what's the cause of the gout?? He mentioned: too much meat, too much soy beans and beans product and wholemeal products should be avoided. I asked him how about my neck and shoulder pain? that's when he starts to panic....coz he did not read up my file and I'm so pisseddddddddddddddd. Seriously, is this the way they treat patients?? stone cold to our face and not a single ounce of TLC?? He simply said: go for physio and give me pain killer....hai, I should go consult a Chinese physician if I need all that he mentioned. I am seriously upset over what he said and his working etique. anyhow, You see, I almost fainted the last time I had my period and I need to eat alot of red meat to replace the loss of blood in my body and I love soy beans products and wholemeal products...seems I really need to re-alter my diet again.

Besides the books and the graduation results, these young pple most probably don't have much life experiences. Coz if they do or at least if they know what is mutual respect for pple in general, they could have manage the patient which is me - at least a 50 percent better!

No more XL...

2011-09-09T01:43:00.001+08:00

wanted to buy the pants which I accidentally pi char a hole and the seller saids: sorry,no more XL for all designs....oh, what a shame....the design is.nice and the material is great....

Now, I'm hunting for similar if not better material and so far...this is a mission impossible task...

Go go Gmarket!!!

2011-09-07T20:56:00.002+08:00

G market is really convenient and good...I've got most of my pants and blouse online and they are reliable too....besides cheap and value for money, they will give discount coupon to bring the purchase price further down down down!!

Be sure to visit and experienced the convenience of E-shopping!!!

my fav 3/4 pants....gone...

2011-09-07T18:20:00.002+08:00

I loved this 3/4 pants I bought fm G market made of nylon material....so upset that it 'planggggggggggggg' when I anyhow open my leg big and sit on the floor....tried to sew it back but the hole is so big that it is beyong repair....hai, so upset coz I really love this pants...it's not hot coz it's made of nylon and it's sent fm Korean to Singapore....ah ah ah ah!!!

Hai....looks like I need to buy another one again!!

that's what sleep doctor said....

2011-09-07T18:08:00.002+08:00

seen the sleep doctor today and he said that I should thank my mum and dad for giving me a wide jaw....coz this wide jaw prevented the narrowing of the airway though my BMI is 35!!!! Means seriously overweight pple, like me should be suffering fm sleep dis0rder but I'm not due to my wide jaw. haha, that's what the dentist said too...that with this wide jaw, most probably I won't be having any 'wisdom' tooth issue..

sleep doctor discharged me as normal but perhaps while I'm dreaming, I lacked of oxygen but throughtout the night, I'm sleeping relevantly well....of course he wants me to continue to lose weight so I could continue to get a good night sleep. He said my ideal weight is 56kg according to my height and I'm way above that....to think of it, I was 57kg before I gave birth to Matt...oh, I missed my slim and superb figure, er hmmm according to what they said lah...except I don't have the curvy butt lah...

sleep doctor suggested me to walk an hour a day, no sweet drinks, no juices, if kopi or tea then no sugar, no milk, if possible just drink plain water, stick to Yong tau fou without noodle or bee hoon and no carbo for lunch and dinner. with this diet he suggested, I could slim down fm 0.5kg to 1kg per week.

I want to regain my ideal weight but I can't give up my dark chocolates once in a while, my favourite been hoon, my favourite drink - fresh fruit juice and yogurt drink and smoothie. and of course, my favourite dessert whether hot or cold..

Oh well, that day will come...that's what I believe!! hehehehehehe..

Gg to CPF and AIA tomorrow...

2011-09-05T19:32:00.002+08:00

I took 5 days leave to just laze around at home....partly it's Matt's one week holiday, partly I just need a break to sort out my thoughts...

Gonna visit CPF and AIA tomorrow, to re-nominate the parties and the percentage they are getting if I will to be sleeping in the 'box' one day...gotta do all this while I still have the time to do so...

i once saw a friend who run around to different government offices to settle the late father's CPF and insurance policy becoz the dad did not do the neccessary nomination when he is alive. The pain that this friend went through during the funeral was extended with him having to repeat to the different government officers really took a toll on him. It pains me to see him go through all that..

So I make sure, I do all the neccssary paperwork while I still can. I don't wish to see my family gg through the stressful process of what my friend went through.

Batam - 03.09.2011

2011-09-05T19:28:00.002+08:00

Went to Batam with a old old secondary friend - Sally Ong. We had a great time, though it could be better well spent if not for the half day tour...which is to different places of 'intrest' to buy more so the tour guide can earn commissions..

Anyhow, we had a good time catching up and talking about old times of our life and our children and our family....If only, I thought....could turn back the clock....perhaps, life would be different now...for better or worst?? No one knows for sure...

So to you, Sally Ong - sorry, I suddenly update alot again instead of doing it day by day...coz I'm busy with my stuff everyday and also I lazy meh...so I just anyhow one shot write up what I wanna said lah...Let's go another destination next year!!

tau suan ah...

2011-09-05T19:20:00.002+08:00

I love to eat tau suan but very difficult to buy the nice ones...coz half the time, it is too think or too glu-ie or the fried dough is too hard....but I found one with the right thickness, not too glu-ie and the fried dough is just A-OK!! It's at city square shopping mall, located at B2, opp. the chinese medical hall shop..It's $1.60 with the right amont of fried dough and it's very yummy!

I had that for dinner for many nights liao...though it's not really healthy but I can't stomach anything bigger portion than that...so we went B2 to get the yummy tau suan after Cass and Matt had dinner at kopitiam upstairs...

Cass: wow, Ah suan go and buy tau suan..

Matt (chuckles): huh?? so funni huh...ah suan go and buy tau suan...who is ah suan? is it your friend?

Cass (LOL): yeah, she is my friend and she is also your mummy what!!! Your mummy name is Tan Poh Suan meh...

Matt: Ohhhhhhhhh....yeah huh, I forget mummy's name got the SUAN huh....hahahahahaha

Me (shake head): Aiyoooooooo.............

5 years and 5 months more to go....

2011-09-05T19:17:00.002+08:00

went to HDB today to make another lump sum payment of $20K...was informed by the staff that the balance loan could be repaid within 5 years and 5 months....I'm so happy and relieved to hear this coz it'll be another load off the shoulder...come to think of it, Matt will be 12 years old by the time we repaid it all...

Perhaps we could move to another place nearer to all the secondary schools....gotta do some serious planning...

mum fm hell...

2011-08-30T01:50:00.002+08:00

sometimes I felt that I'm a mum fm hell...yes, the same hell that you are thinking, that is..

I'm so pressurised, stressed, suicidal, depressed of what went on that I told Matt that I will leave him if he don't behave...I'm desperate and do not know what to do when he don't listened...I felt really terrible after that...

so much so that I lose sleep after that coz that's not me...I spoke to Jess about it and she asked me not to blame myself too much coz I was placed on this situation not by choice and I'm 'loss' myself.

Frankly, no amount of words could comfort me coz I know the damage is already done...I came fm a single parent family, I know how the damage will rolled into a big big huge ball of fury that you can not hold it with anything. that fury could damage the kid's life.

That fury nearly damage my life if not for my aunt's kindness and love showered to me unconditionally.....the best part is, this aunt is not blood related...well, that's another story if you do read thru my past post...

Back to the mum fm hell, I had stepped into the doorsteps of hell many times during this 6 months. In the end, it was the love of Matthew that pulled me back many many times...

The last time I told him I'll leave him, he said: mummy, you cannot leave me coz you are married to papa. If you are married to papa, you two must stayed together to take care of me....I was ashamed of myself, take whatever that I felt aside, I was shamed by my 7 years old son.

specially I was nearly burnt to death by the fury instilled to me by my mum, I vowed that I want to be a different kind of mum..I know it's not gg to be easy but I'll do my utmost best...I failed, I'm a mum fm hell who occasionally live in the now and I really hope that Matthew's love will melt that fury in me somehow...

Ten ways to build your child's self-esteem by sarah henry

2011-08-30T01:45:00.001+08:00

This article is good for everyone, not only for parents but for every single one of us....read on...
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Nurturing your child's self-esteem may seem like a hefty responsibility. After all, a feeling of self-worth lays the foundation for your child's future as he sets out to try new things on his own. "Self-esteem comes from having a sense of belonging, believing that we're capable, and knowing our contributions are valued and worthwhile," says California family therapist Jane Nelsen, co-author of the Positive Discipline series.

"As any parent knows, self-esteem is a fleeting experience," says Nelsen. "Sometimes we feel good about ourselves and sometimes we don't. What we are really trying to teach our kids are life skills like resiliency." Your goal as a parent is to ensure that your child develops pride and self-respect — in himself and in his cultural roots — as well as faith in his ability to handle life's challenges (for a school-age child that may mean giving a dance performance for you). Here are ten simple strategies to help boost your child's self-esteem:

Give unconditional love. A child's self-esteem flourishes with the kind of no-strings-attached devotion that says, "I love you, no matter who you are or what you do." Your child benefits the most when you accept him for who he is regardless of his strengths, difficulties, temperament, or abilities. So, lavish him with love. Give him plenty of cuddles, kisses, and pats on the shoulder. And don't forget to tell him how much you love him. When you do have to correct your child, make it clear that it's his behavior — not him — that's unacceptable. For instance, instead of saying, "You're a naughty boy! Why can't you be good?" say, "Please don't throw the football in the house. A football is an outside toy."

Pay attention. Carve out time to give your child your undivided attention. That does wonders for your child's feelings of self-worth because it sends the message that you think he's important and valuable. It doesn't have to take a lot of time; it just means taking a moment to stop flicking through the mail if he's trying to talk with you or turning off the TV long enough to answer a question. Make eye contact so it's clear that you're really listening to what he's saying. When you're strapped for time, let your child know it without ignoring his needs. Say, "Tell me all about what happened at soccer practice, and then when you're finished, I'll need to make our dinner."

Teach limits. Establish a few reasonable rules for your child. For instance, if you tell him to wear his helmet when he rides his bike in the driveway, don't let him go without it at his friend's house. Knowing that certain family rules are set in stone will help him feel more secure. He'll start to live by your expectations soon enough. Just be clear and consistent and show him that you trust him and expect him to do the right thing.

Support healthy risks. Encourage your child to explore something new, such as trying a different food, making a new friend, or riding a skateboard. Though there's always the possibility of failure, without risk there's little opportunity for success. So let your child safely experiment, and resist the urge to intervene. For instance, try not to "rescue" him the minute he's showing mild frustration at figuring out how to read a tricky word. Jumping in to say, "I'll do it" can foster dependence and diminish your child's confidence. You'll build his self-esteem by balancing your need to protect him with his need to tackle new tasks.

Let mistakes happen. The flip side, of course, of having choices and taking risks is that sometimes your child is bound to make mistakes. These are valuable lessons for your child's confidence. So if your child misses the school bus because he was dawdling in his bedroom, encourage him to think about what he might do differently next time. That way his self-esteem won't sag and he'll understand that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes. When you goof up yourself, admit it, says Daniel Meier, assistant professor of elementary education at San Francisco State University. Acknowledging and recovering from your mistakes sends a powerful message to your child — it makes it easier for your child to accept his own difficulties.

Celebrate the positive. Everyone responds well to encouragement, so make an effort to acknowledge the good things your child does every day within his earshot. For instance, tell his dad, "Peter did all his chores today without prompting." He'll get to bask in the glow of your praise and his dad's heartening response. And be specific. Instead of saying "Good job," say, "Thank you for setting the table for dinner." This will enhance his sense of accomplishment and self-worth and let him know exactly what he did right.

Listen well. If your child needs to talk, stop and listen to what he has to say. He needs to know that his thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions matter. Help him get comfortable with his emotions by labeling them. Say, "I understand you're sad because you can't go to the sleepover." By accepting his emotions without judgment, you validate his feelings and show that you value what he has to say. If you share your own feelings ("I'm worried about Grandma. She's very sick"), he'll gain confidence in expressing his own.

Resist comparisons. Comments such as "Why can't you be more like your brother?" or "Why can't you be nice like Evan?" will just remind your child of where he struggles in a way that fosters shame, envy, and competition. Even positive comparisons, such as "You're the best player" are potentially damaging because a child can find it hard to live up to this image. If you let your child know that you appreciate him for the unique individual he is, he'll be more likely to value himself too.

Offer empathy. If your child compares himself unfavorably to his siblings or peers ("Why can't I throw a football like Nicholas?"), show him empathy and then emphasize one of his strengths. For instance, say, "You're right. Nicholas is good at throwing a football. And you're a fast runner." This can help your child learn that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and that he doesn't have to be perfect to feel good about himself.

Provide encouragement. Every child needs the kind of support from loved ones that signals, "I believe in you. I see your effort. Keep going!" Encouragement means acknowledging progress — not just rewarding achievement. So if your child is struggling with a math problem, say: "You're trying very hard and you almost have it!" instead of "Not like that. Let me do it."

There's a difference between praise and encouragement. One rewards the task while the other rewards the person ("You did it!" rather than "I'm proud of you!"). Praise can make a child feel that he's only "good" if he does something perfectly. Encouragement, on the other hand, acknowledges the effort. "Tell me about the game. I saw you really hustling out there" is more helpful than saying, "You're the best player on the team." Too much praise can sap self-esteem because it can create pressure to perform and set up a continual need for approval from others. So dole out the praise judiciously and offer encouragement liberally; it will help your child grow up to feel good about himself.

one of the reason why I decided to end my fb relationship....

2011-08-30T01:30:00.002+08:00

After I read below, it make so much sense for me to end my relationship with fb. I'm too addicted to it that it could actually replaced my life...it's been 4 months since I last logged in and I'm loving the new 'available time' that I've replaced it with fb..

===========

Why your child needs alone time

Your 7-year-old now

If your child shows an increasing interest in being alone, don't be alarmed. A tendency toward introversion and privacy are normal parts of a 7-year-old's social development. Your child has a lot on his mind and spends much of his day in company with others. Having a little time to process and dream all by himself helps him stay on an even keel.

Having quiet time in the day gives your child the opportunity to read or draw or play alone, as well as think. Some kids can spend hours in this kind of solo play. It rarely means they're socially awkward. Balancing alone time with social time is actually a useful skill.

Your life now

Are you "there" when you're there? Listen closely if your child says he misses you. Perception is reality for sevens.

If you're spending a lot of time around your child but he senses that your mind is somewhere else, he's picking up on the disconnect. This is a real risk in our computer- and cell-addicted culture. Consciously step away from your laptop after a certain hour. Turn off the pager if it's not critical. Put away the Blackberry when you're playing a board game.

will things begin to be better fm here????

2011-08-30T01:09:00.002+08:00

No one knows for sure....no one can tell you what will happen the next second...

Am I a risk taker??

In terms of money, I think I'm not...I always invest with the lowest risk of losing it all...

In terms of work, I think I'm not...I jus do my work, I try to help to what I can....

In terms of pple, maybe I'm a mixture of both...I took a chance on pple that I turly love and care about, though I know I might be hurt again, I still throw myself in...till the recent happenings then I realize it's time that I stop doing that and to really pay attention to myself...

In terms of myself, I think I'm a great risk taker. Coz I never ever considered about myself in the instant when I had to make a decision. It's when something hard hit on me then I realize, I've taken the risk at the wrong things / person / matter.

I hope I'm not too late to hope that things could finally work out for me...I'm not asking for the world or a bed of roses and not even a carrot of diamond ring...I just want to be loved and protected whenever I needed you, this is the least request that I ask of you...

I'm $580 poorer....

2011-08-28T21:43:00.003+08:00

Boon keng oh boon keng....I passed by this shop, only intended to look around and the owner jus managed to squeeze $580 out of my pocket for 10 clothes (jacket, blouse and dresses, mixture of course. 3 pairs of platform shoes and one necklace). It used to be $800 but he somehow discount here and there so it became $580.

I liked most of them and they are fm korean and some of the designs were 'inspired' by GG5 and Anna Sui, as he so claims lah...oh man, if I spent it on Thailand trip, perhaps I could buy more....huh....

boon keng oh boon keng...

2011-08-28T20:54:00.003+08:00

Have I told you that I love boon keng the matured estate?? the one right up at boon keng MRT station...

recently went for a haircut at the boon keng. They had a promo and it's really worth it!! we can purchase a value card worth $15++ and you can cut your hair at $0.80 each time till the $15++ is up and card is valid for 12 months. It's very worth for Matt as his hair grew so fast loh...

The food at boon keng is cheap, nice and big portion too....In general, the things are fairly cheap...perhaps due to there are alot of grey population.

I even got valued pack for Matthew's teacher's day gift!!! It's only $2.90 and in it, there are a sweet strawberry shape which is a recycled bag, a pen, a little booklet and 2 small little flowers

R they asking too much fm me???

2011-08-28T02:50:00.002+08:00

U are most welcome to be in my shoes for a day before you commend that you could do a better job....I nearly went crazy many a times and like what they say, I should not be too hard to myself...

frankly, I've learnt to relax since a few weeks ago....perhaps it's still not relax for some....guess, you will have to wait till I'm finally resting in my grave that I'll be the most relax....LOL.

Well, relax or not...life still goes on...it's becoming difficult to breath freely nowadays but i'll hang on till I figure out a way to stop breathing but still live on....

when will that be???

2011-08-28T02:45:00.002+08:00

I texted the school counsellor recently to check exactly when will the EP see Matt as the last time, she said was mid of august and now is already the end of august and still no news fm her....

she responded saying it's the P6 1st and most probably it will be next month....let's see what happens fm that...frankly, I've also make an appointment with the child guidance clinic via polyclinic so it could be cheaper..the appointment is at somewhere end of sept...let's see which one comes first...

It feels like spring cleaning....

2011-08-28T00:33:00.002+08:00

I gave away many clothes and toys which Matt do not play or need anymore...while clearing the store room, I realized there were many items left un used or unopen....oh man, that's really a waste of money....

I gave it away to a lady who were sent it back to his distance cousins living in philiphines...I'm happy to know that all the well kept and well mantained items are handed to pple who really needed it.

I do hope my washing machine don't die on me coz I've been using it at least twice a day...for a 8kg full load LG washing machine which we had use for 7years and 4months...LG is a reliable brand!

I'll be giving another few loads of clothes away and I'm happy to de clutter my house at the same time....slowly but surely and hopefully, our house will be less crowded...

Vote vote vote

2011-08-28T00:01:00.001+08:00

Matt so worried that I'll be late for voting....kept pestering me to go vote vote vote...

Kept reminding me not to bring the phone and not to bring him along coz phone and kids are not allowed...

then ask if I know who to vote....aiyoh, like a old man...so naggy and long winded...

What bird????

2011-08-27T23:57:00.002+08:00

Matt had a bath, came out naked and still walk around...taking his own sweet time to towel dry himself....

Me: Ooi, still don't wanna hurry up is it? wait your bird fly away...

Matt (eyes fixed on the TV screen): huh...what mummy? Which bird? (obviously not listening to me)

Me: huh?? Your gu gu bird lah...

Matt: Ohhhhhhh....that bird ah!

Us: LOL and rolling on the floor...

Pre-loved stuff could land up with pple who really needs them...

2011-08-20T01:23:00.003+08:00

Matt grew up so fast that some of his clothes, pants, briefs and shoes are not wear before. I kept them with me for so long, thinking if there is a 2nd one coming along...I could pass them down.

Now it seems like this could not come true anymore....but i still kept them with me. It's a waste to throw them away but I'm not sure if pple really truly mind if I pass on to them. But after I joined the 'recyle group' in yahoo (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SgFreecycle), it helps me to de-clutter my house and at the same time, I know they are given to pple who truly needs them.

I saw a few post asking for girls clothes and kids clothes (for 6 to 11) and other kids items. Then I tot, I have alot of these stuff to give away!!!

Girls clothes: when I was 57kg once upon a time but can't fit into them now...I could give them away...those clothes that matthew could no longer fit into and toys that he don't really wanna play and shoes that he could not fit but I don't want to throw it away...I could give them away now!

I love this group coz we are helping the enviroment with our little effort to recycle things that we don't need.
Inturn pple do not need to spend money and perhaps the cycle of cutting down trees to get the raw material in order to make the whatever object to be put on the shelf to be sold to consumer - COULD BREAK.

Perhaps, just perhaps....it could stop pple fm other country from using 'child labour' (http://www.unicef.org/protection/index_childlabour.html) to manufacture their product. Perhaps I think it a step too far but if we continue this, who knows it might happen coz everything in this world is about - cause and effect.

I believed we are building a better world for our children to live in (haha, part of MJ's song...but it's so true). No one knows if our children's children will be able to see trees ever again if we don't do something about it...

Next time before you throw something away....think about: could this something be useful for someone? How can I recyle it?

another session with Jess

2011-08-18T20:47:00.002+08:00

Had another session with Jess today. I came to see her with my painful neck and shoulder...wanted so much to cancel it but still went ahead anyhow..

I talked my heart out but time is always not enough to cover what's on my mind but it was good today....Jess felt I'm not as uptight as I used to be and my exact sentiments! I deserved to be happy and I need to constantly remind myself to let myself be happy. Problems there may be but I need not be so uptight about it and lumped everything together.

seriously, I felt choked....choked with problems, issues, disputes, struggles, depression, anger, sadness, gulit, lousy, failure - and many more - all packed into one big giant ball. It's choked in my throat, I can't swallow it nor spit it out and because of this, I'm not progressing and getting nowhere.

somehow, I don't feel that way anymore...I know it's good that I don't feel this way, more controlled of myself but I'm not sure what happened that lift me up. Perhaps it's not important to know what makes me this way. But it sure help me a great deal if I know why...

Jess said, it's perfectly fine to just stand still at where I am while I decide where to go and what to do next coz I've been standing at this cross road for so long...she said, perhaps to wait a little longer for things to fall in place and then I might be more clear-headed to decide again.

Yeah, perhaps I should do just that....oh, I deserved a long and good break!! I really do....

It's bad news again....

2011-08-18T20:13:00.002+08:00

I've been having this bad neck and bad pain for so long and I tolerated it...tot it would somehow go away by itself and I didn't really think too much about it...

Some of you might now that in 2006, about 2 years and months after I gave birth to Matthew...my back started giving me alot of problem...it'd be so painful that it extended to my hand in turn becoming numb. Saw my company's GP, was referred to the sports specialists, did a MRI. realized my spine bones - S4 to S7 are losing the gell and my bones are degenerating. You see,the gell holds the spine bones together. when the gell eventually runs out, the spine bones will 'rubbed against' each other and it will caused the nerves to be inflammed and so my back, shoulder and neck will be swollen and it affected the nerves right to my hands.

Frankly, I was devastated..I am still so young and how could this happened to me? the specialist suspected it could be due to child birth that i began to lose my bone mass and of course being a second hand smoker, nicotine could be another contributing factor for the loss of bone mass. Solution during 2006: get a operation, slot the metal thingy between the spine bones or to depend on medication forever.

I chose none of them and miraculously, the numbness and the pain were all gone...and I didn't much about it...not until now. Went to see doctor chong and he strongly suggest me to see a bone doctor...I told him I have shrunked by 2cm in height. And that goes to show that, the gell could have run out on my spine bones that's y I became shorter or it could be something else. I strongly suspect i might be in the early stage of menopause. one of the symptoms of menopause is bone loss, hot flashes. I've been having hot flashes these few months. and the last thing on my mind is : bone cancer according to info fm this page: http://www.medicinenet.com/bone_cancer/page3.htm#symptoms.

Whatever it is, I'll be seeing the bone doctor on 02.09.2011. Let's just see what happened next. Frankly, after gg thru so many setbacks, I won't be surprised if ti's another cancer. Well, at least I know how I'll die one day.

Dorsett Johor Hotel...

2011-08-18T00:27:00.002+08:00

finali we got hold of Matt's passport, we walked to Little India station. crossed over to the bus stop, wanting to take 170 to JB...but little did we know that 170 will take the long route......

oh man...so we took the lesisure ride and it turn to the woodlands railway station and back to the woodlands estate so I panic and we alighted but rosy ran up the bus and asked the driver if it really goes to JB?? Driver said yes and we hop on the bus again...

alamak, I wondered when will we ever reached there....so finali we reached JB, wanted to jus reach there quickly and to take a good rest...so happened there is a driver who stayed near to plenton so he charged us 20 ringgat and drive us right up to the doorstep of Dorsett Johor hotel..

The hotel is clean, safe, peaceful coz it's so ulu and out of the way but that's what we wanted....do things at our own time, no pressure at all....Tesco Extra was a 10mins walk fm our hotel and we jolly take our own sweet time to shop and we slept so well coz the bed is really comfty!!

we took our time to wake up the next morning and had a late breakfast. checked out at 12pm, took a cab..wanted to stop at citysquaree then tot, why don't we go to KSL city since we've never been there....

oh, it is big...and it's like another Vivo ciry there...the things there are somehow trendier but also costly. we took our time to had our lunch at sushi king, shop a little more. and manage to skip the rush hour and reached home around 6pm...we are dog tired and slept early at night...

It was a relaxing getaway...it could have been better plan but then again...it's fun to go through the unexpected once in a while...I badly need a getaway, no matter if it's near or far... the malaysia mega sale will be extended to 03.09.2011!! so I have a few more weekends to shop...

our next destination - 2d1n at batam...not sure when, waiting for the travel agency to confirm our booking dates. I'm looking forward to far far away places...

oh my...what a trip to JB!!!

2011-08-15T22:52:00.002+08:00

I needed a break badly....booked a room @ Dorsett Johor Bahru over last weekend to have some RnR but it was full of trial and errors....

Met Rosy mosy @ rochor bus station and we took Singapore johor express to Singapore custom. After we went up the escalator then I realized that I didn't bring Matthew's passport!!!!! I walked over the the counter, asked if Rose and Matt could wait in their office or somewhere lah, for me to grab the passport and fly back to custom.

But the officer said: No, you can either proceed to JB now or back to Singapore...

Me: Ohhhhhh....there is no way that I can make another passport for my son rite?

Officer (rather serious look): No.
==============================
So we will led to another room in the basement where the officers were validate each and everyone of us, case by case...if we are really missing a passport or a document that we need to go back to Singapore...

The thing is, when you think it should be systematic...it is not. Pple who came in later then us, will call 1st and the 3 of us just sat there and wait...waiting...still waiting...

I walked up, told one of them that we waited rather long liao and who knows, they called rosy next...we told them, I didn't bring Matthew's passport so we want to go back together and travel to JB later.

They asked for Matthew's full name and BC no. so they could verify his identification. Matt was terrified when they called his name. We could see him grabbing his Tees and pants with one hand and hide the other hand at the back of his butt...Rosy and I looked at each other and laughed....

Finali, our 'batch' were all done and getting ready to leave the little office...the officer brought all of us into the lift and I realized I left my bag downstairs....haiyo, mus be too tired over all this commotion. So I grabbed my bag and the officer sent us out the other way, we walked thru the tunnel leading to the woodlands train station then out to the woodlands Taxistand.

our little adventure didn't stopped there,

took a cab, wanted to head home...told the driver we are gg to little India...so I didn't notice where the uncle went....and it was pass 25 to 30mins but we are still not anywhre near to little india. I asked uncle where are we now? I can't believe he said: we are gg towards AMK CTE. I went: what?? how did we end up here??

then he started explaining steven road will be packed and ta ta ta da da...I was furious and matt is hungry, I told him drive us to the nearest eating place and it turns out Nex was the nearest.

I was so furious but then was too tire to continue to be angry...so we ended having our lunch @ the tori fastfood at nex. the fried chicken tasted really bad..but the BBQ was tasty and tender! After the quick lunch, we slowly went home together to take Matt's passport. Frankly, I did thought of not gg all together but full hotel charge will still go through if I don't turn up. So no matter how tire, we still went along....

Mid August...

2011-08-12T19:37:00.002+08:00

Texted the school counsellor to asked if EP had confirm Matt's diagnois result but errrr.....she said EP will only see Matthew in Mid August. Which is another week fm now, I guess...

Whatever the result is, I just need an answer so I know what to do next...it kills to be kept in suspense.

2D1N in SGH

2011-08-11T15:05:00.002+08:00

If I want remove my womb, I'll need to complete the sleep study as instructed by my doctor....well, doctor thought I might have sleep apnea. In a nutshell, sleep apnea is a kind of sleep disorder. Means when you sleep, you don't get enough oxygen to your brain and resulted in your heart eventually stop beating.

So, if I have sleep apnea....it means the operation will need to make so adjustment...I'm not sure what, doctor didn't exactly spelt it out for me.

so I made an appointment for this sleep study. Admitted yesterday and discharged today. It didn't come cheap at all, for a single room - $1300+++. Frankly, with all the wires attached around my face and body, I can hardly sleep well..

anyhow, doctor will let me know the result next month...

I want to go Bangkok for a long deserved break...

2011-08-10T04:09:00.003+08:00

I've been planning to do the above like forever ever ever....and things just happened anyhow anywhere and it mess up all my plans...I'm looking at the sept holiday to go for my well deserved holiday @ BKK but I'll need someone to go with me....to shop till we drop...and eat, laugh and enjoy like on one's business....

I badly need that to come true....

Baby Boom (1987)

2011-08-10T03:52:00.002+08:00

All thanks to StarHub for the free viewing to most of the channels for this holiday period...I was watching MGM channel, chanced upon this show = baby boom.

funny, witty, happy, sad, silly - all rolled into one!

===============

story line about successful lady : KC who inherited something fm a relative but it turn out to a cutise little gal. She took her home but boyfriend could not accept a baby into his life. Thank goodness, KC chose baby Elizabeth instead of boyfriend.

the rest of the story proves to be a real struggle for any working mum...as she becomes attached and involved in baby's life, she could not pay as much attention to her work compared to when her hands are not so tight....Her boss asked her to 'do what you need to do' or to chose between her job and her baby. She was devastate, angry and everything...after how she fought for contracts and projects for the company and this is how she was treated...Again, KC chose baby Elizabeth.

She plucked up her courage, left London and purchase a house in the countryside to start a new life with baby Elizabeth. things wasn't looking up at all when she moved into the old house...at first, the warmer is not working then the roof could not be fix then the well dried up...she fainted and woke up in the arms of a charming doctor.

She had a meltdown in front of the doctor over not having sex for such a long long time...while she continued pouring out her soap opera to doctor, she heard a horse neighs outside his office...she screamed out loud when she realized this doctor was actually a vet!! she dashed out of the room and swore never want to see the vet again.

She started making baby food for baby Elizabeth by plucking the apples fm the trees at her backyard and the later part of the story, this baby food became such a hit that her ex boss called her back to the office, offering to buy over her company. The best part was to see how she had tougne fight with her ex boss and saying she learnt it fm the best which is him....she was attracted to the terms offered but remembered suddenly how she was asked to leave and to make a choice bwtn work and baby Elizabeth.

she stood up, announced to all that she don't wish to take up the offer even though it meant not earning more money. She is happy with her current office who has a baby cot on the left and a baby playpen on the right of her office. and she didn't wanna change a thing about that...and of course, her new found squeeze - the handsome VET.

braised pork breakkie

2011-08-10T02:54:00.002+08:00

It was National day and I need to work but Matt don't have school. On the 8th night, I bought him to my mum's place to stay for the nite...Matt was kinda excited to stay over coz he haven't done so evers since he started P1 this year.

Matt called granny and told her to remember to prepare his faviourite food...hahahaha

=============

I called Matt during my break to check on him....

Me: hello matthew, what did you had for breakfast?

Matt: hmmmm....bread with mushroom and the my favourite black sauce meat?

Me: oh...is it gong ba bao??

Matt: Yeah, yes yes!

Me: oh my, so early in the morning and you had such oily food for breakfast...

Matt: no lah, mummy....not so early what....I wait until the sun come up then Ah Mah wake me up then I had my favourite black sauce meat breakfast what...(chuckles)

Me(rolled eyes): really meh??

EP will c matt on 12th august

2011-08-06T11:39:00.001+08:00

jus completed a set of questionaire wif the school counsellor 4 the EP's (education psychologist) preference when they c matt on friday in the school via the REACH progamme. the school counsellor commented matt might have asperger as what i suspected. it brings great comfort 2know that some1 is able 2understand n accepts your son as who he is instead of treating him like an outcast or weirdo..i await the EP's report n looking 4ward 2 the therapies available 4 matt.

DHW 7 - Ep 15

2011-08-04T22:52:00.009+08:00

This Epi is funni.....Let me zoom down to Lynett, Tom and the twins....

Lynett was sleeping and the twin woke her up to ask her: do we have eggs?? where is the egg?? How to do a scrambled egg?

So Lynett got up, she reckon it's easier for her to cook instead teaching the twins...she hurried down the stairs but was really surprised to see they are not alone....Twins brought 2 ladies back home. The truth be told: this is not the 1st time that the twins brought 'women' home...Lynett was furious!!

Lynett and Tom asked the twins to move out of their house within 7 days. They felt it's time to let the boys go and be independent.....afterall, the woman and the twins are not playing monopoly in the room ..
============================

Lynett: guys you need to grow up and be independent. and you going to start by looking for your own place..

twins: how do we pay the rent??

Tom: you start by going to the papers, look at the section where there are a bunch of pple who is willing to exchange money for something call WORK....
==============================

How many of us exactly appreciate having a job and getting your salary on payday??

I guess, most of us take this for granted...we might think it is only right that we be pay coz we did what we are suppose to do...Of course I agreed with you - TOTALLY....

If another person have exactly what you have to offer to the company - what makes you so unique that the company should pay you more or even a promotion??

some would believe : be smart about it...work smart and not work hard....oh yes, how can I NOT KNOW THAT...remember: the other person have the same quality or even better ones than you....

Many might ask: so what's the big deal about it? The deal about pple nowadays: besides getting the job done (on time, that is), they might feel they don't owe the company anything more. But they clearly forget: whatever they do at work only reflects on what kind of person and co workers they are...of course, you might say: I DON'T CARE, ITS JUST WORK....of course you don't care about it but you must know, no one will care about you too if you don't begin to take the responsibility to do so....

I found this very good article, read on. It could change the way you think about yourself and perhaps your work attitude..........
*************************

Your attitude in the workplace can be one of the most - if not the most - telling aspect of how others in the company look at you and feel about you as a coworker.

A first impression can be a hard thing to shake especially if it's a bad one. In other words, once you have gotten a workplace reputation as being lazy, a slacker, a whiner or other negative tag, it can be hard to get rid of.

Think of someone you've worked with who perhaps didn't work as hard as you expected them to and then think about how you felt about every time you had to work with them.

Perception is often reality and once people get an idea in their head about someone or something, it can be difficult to get them to think differently.

In my experience, your attitude in the workplace can sometimes define you more than the work you actually produce if your coworkers come to see you as someone who is reliable, competent, intelligent and someone that they can rely on.

One of the worst feelings can be to work with people who don't seem to care and don't appear to pull their own weight.

When I think about people I've worked with who I've seen in a positive light, they tend to be people who outwardly display a positive attitude in the workplace.

They tend to take the initiative and are reliable. They are someone that you look forward to working with. They don't complain or bad mouth their company or coworkers and basically get on with the job at hand. They don't wander around bothering other people because they aren't doing their own job.

Basically, they are people who would be missed if they left the company.

Having formerly worked for a company that regularly laid off staff, I can tell you that the people who were let go first were often those who were generally regarded as being staff who didn't display these positive traits and therefore weren't seen as being employees who needed to remain employed.

Carl Mueller is an Internet entrepreneur and professional recruiter who has written an ebook for career-minded individuals: http://www.RecruiterSecretsRevealed.com

Recruiter Secrets Revealed sheds light on job search and career management "secrets" that you can use to supercharge your career and distinguish yourself from other job searchers.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carl_Mueller

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/172426

*****

Candyman A...Candyman B

2011-08-04T21:38:00.004+08:00

Fetched Matt fm the student care the other day and he 'feedback' on his classmate - Xavier...on how he pushed him and how naughty he is...

In fact this is not the 1st time he told me about this and it really didn't help when I told Matt to stay away fm Xavier...so I decided to tell him a story....

Me: Matthew, do you like to eat lollipop?

Matt(eyes opened wide): oh yessssssssssssssssssssssssss...

Me: let me tell you a story about the candyman...

Matt(listens on): ok......

Me: there was a Candyman A who makes sugar lollipop.
He uses half a pail of water , some secret ingredients and alot of sugar to do it.
Children who loves sugar lollipop will pester their parents to buy it for them....

and there comes a Candyman B who makes honey lollipop.
He uses a full pail of water, some secret ingredients and alot of honey to do it.
Children who loves honey lollipop will flee to his stall to grab them before they are all gone!!

So Matthew, all our friends are different... like the sugar lollipop and the honey lollipop wif different ingredient...if the children love the sugar lollipop, they will go and get one fm Candyman A...if the children loves the honey lillipop, they will go to find Candayman B. But there will be other children who likes them all so they will go to Candyman A and Candyman B.

so is Xaiver your friend??

Matt: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..........................

Me: if he is not your friend, can u tell mummy....why would you still want to play with him???

Matt: becoz I want to give him a chance.....

Me(jaw dropped): OoooooooooooooooooooooooooK.
===========================================

so the next day, I went to fetch him again. It didn't come as a surprise when Matt told me the same story again...

Me: remember the Candyman story I told you about? When you decide to eat the sugar lollipop, we'd have like the lollipop's taste and have accepted how it is. If you don't like it at all then you should not eat it at all... I know it's hard to like someone when they don't treat you well...but we can try to remember their likable parts n y we will friends at first...do you understand what I say?

Matt: so mummy, which lollipop is Xaiver?

Me(slapped my forehead): ("_______")

KSL City

2011-08-04T20:40:00.004+08:00

I didn't know there was a new shopping mall in Johor Bahru....it seems no one really been there before...It took such a long time to load the map... (add: 33, Jalan Seladang, Taman Abad, 80250 Johor Bahru, JOHOR.
contact no.: 07-288-2888)

Then I was thinking how do I get there?? It's been a long time since I took a cab in JB after City Square, JB is opened...coz it's so convient to just walk over fm the Malaysia custom....

Maybe one of the days I should go over when my malay speaking friends tag along.....and with the mega sale on in Malaysia (http://www.shoppingnsales.com/megasale/) , It's such a right time to go, stay for a night or two and shop till I drop....oh oh, I found this warehouse sale link...how nice if we could go to all of them....(http://www.shoppingnsales.com/warehousesales/)

It seems like, I've open a narrow little hole to let happiness squeeze through while I think about shopping compare to when I'm thinking of nothing at all....

Matt is able to fit in L or even M....

2011-08-02T00:06:00.008+08:00

Matt is still coughing and he had since lost 2kg liao...his school pants are loose again and he kept pulling them whenever he walk ...

The funny part was, Matt kept thinking....he could only fit XL and NEVER a L or even a M....until I insisted him to try on....after he did that, he gave me the sweetest smile ever n it sent butterflies to my stomach...
you feel good abt yourself after u achieved a goal., be it we drop a size or lose a few pounds. however i fail to do so towards matt after what happened to me. It's as if, I felt that I'm a failure myself...

Jess told me it was never any fault of my that this had to happen....It didn't help coz I could not shake off the 'failure' feeling....Yes, I agreed it was no fault of my on what happened to him. But I blame myself that I'm not able to be in 'control' this round like how I use to be in whatever life crisis that I went through so many thousand years ago....

somehow along the way, Jess helped me to understand the hidden reason behind how I felt which I have to admit that I have totally lose it....she highlighted that another reason y I could not forgive is due to the fact that : the vicious cycle of what he did causes his absence and causes ME to be left alone to pick up the pieces he had left behind... the pieces of his role as a father, the pieces of his role as a husband, the pieces of his role of something else that I've yet to find out....

I'm sinking, I'm drowning and I'm dying....I saw many hands extending to help but I know if I don't deal with my 'demons' one by one...I will feel the same way again...

On a brighter note, though I still feel pretty much the same but for now - I'm willing to hang on and not give up completely. I hope I could progress but I can't say for sure how it will be like the next min, the next day, the next year....I've got to appreciate how to live the 'NOW' instead planning like there is no tomorrow...I'm gg to say, this is not easy for me at all coz I feel insecure if I do not 'plan' in advance. Let's jus said: I tried the impro tu last Sunday and it felt good to put MYSELF 1st instead of others. It felt good to have some personal space coz I've let myself down for the biggest time...

Will I be better: I do hope so...
Will it be tomorrow: it's like asking for the next 4D no...
When will that day come: it will be my time, my pace and my method...

Mangos....ssssssssssssssssss

2011-08-02T00:01:00.002+08:00

I'm not really a mango-tie person but I simply loves the ones display at the fruits stall whenever I go shopping at JB...I love the green not so ripe ones and the super sweet yellow ripe ones....right now, in the middle of the night, I have this craving to eat the mangossssssssssssssssssss....

perhaps I should go this weekend and to do some long overdue shopping for ME and MYSELF only.....perhaps I'll buy a little something for Matthew too lah...

taking the plunge.....

2011-07-31T01:15:00.002+08:00

She finali told Adam about her condition....She was slightly surprised that Adam didn't cry over it. Instead asked for bucks to buy snacks while he visits his girlfriend....

Well, I was wronged when I also felt that Adam didn't really care....Adam chanced upon a storage key left for him fm her mum. He opened up the storage room and found birthday presents, graduation presents, christmas presents - all left for him but all for the future...Adam broke down....

The Big C (S1) Ep13.....

poor matt is sick....

2011-07-30T22:12:00.002+08:00

It started on Thursday and I tot it's not really serious....but come Friday, the school called to inform me that he is running a fever..Good thing that I was allowed to leave work on half day leave.

I took bus 80 fm office, thinking it'll go to paya lebar but it turn to Geylang East Polyclinic instead. I quickly get off, took a Q no. then rush to Matt's student care to fetch him and back to Polyclinic.

Apprently, the consultation fee, referal ltr to the Child Guidance Clinic plus the medicine is only $6.60.. I cannot believe it was so cheap...

However, the medicine seems to be working real slow coz till today, he is still coughing...at least the nose stop running and the head no longer feverish...but he didn't eat as much like he normally does...

Hope he recovers by tomorrow or I'll need to take leave on Monday to take care of him...

It feels good to recycle what you use to own...

2011-07-30T21:22:00.004+08:00

I joined the 'SgFreecycle.Singapore Freecycle (TM) Network' and saw an email of a single mum looking for a bicycle for a 8 year old girl and I quickly replied to the mum on Matt's bike. MMS her to see if she is keen and I'm glad to know that she don't mind the fairly new condition(as you can see, the plastic is still intact).

I told Matt about it and I'm glad he is willing to part it to someone who needs it more than him. Perhaps he knew when he sat on it, the poor bicycle tyres just went flatttttttttttttttttttttttttt.......It cost $92 but I'm not heartpain at all coz I'm sure the little girl will love it and take good care of it....

I just met the mum and the little cute girl awhile ago and hand it to her....the sparkle in her eyes told us that she love it very much!!

so if you have things that is in good condition and you no longer need it, why don't you give it to someone who might need it...It felt good to know that Matthew is willing to part this bike to the little girl and I'm proud of him...

more write ups on aspergers....

2011-07-27T23:51:00.001+08:00

I found a fantastic link all about Aspergers and the FAQs are comprehensive too.

After reading the FAQs, I could relate and understand the many melt downs he had in school and how lonely he is at times...my heart shattered to pieces when the principal told me that he eat alone in the canteen. my poor boy, mummy knows what you are going through now.....

===================

What Are The Most Beneficial Therapy Types Available For Aspergers?

Answer

When a child is first diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, he may be referred for therapy. Asperger’s Syndrome, as you know, is not a condition that can be cured. Asperger’s Syndrome is a neurodevelopmental condition that is treated with an individualized treatment plan that may include different therapies and medications. Here are some of the most common treatment options.

● Young children are often treated with ABA therapy. Applied Behavioral Analysis is a form of therapy used to teach young children basic skills in many different areas. For example, ABA can be used to teach young children to make eye contact, to play with toys, and to identify shapes and colors.

● Cognitive-behavioral therapy is used to treat the emotional side of Asperger’s Syndrome like anxiety, depression, and obsessions. This therapy helps form the connections between feelings, emotions, and behavior.

● Occupational therapy is basically used to teach independence. Grasp, handwriting, social skills, and play skills are often included. This therapist may help your child learn to tie his shoes of zip his jacket.

● Sensory integration therapy may be included by the occupational therapist. Some occupational therapists are trained in sensory therapies and some are not. This therapy helps get your child’s sensory systems in synch.

● Speech/language therapy covers speech articulation as well as pragmatics, or fluency. Language therapy covers social communication, and in some cases, social skills. Speech/language therapy will help your child learn to communicate verbally or nonverbally, if necessary, with the use of picture exchange and/or sign language.

● Physical therapy addresses the physical awkwardness that sometimes comes with Asperger’s Syndrome. Awkward gait and lack of balance are common complaints. This therapist may help your child learn to kick a ball, walk up and down stairs, and ride a bicycle.

● Social skills training is a therapy that teaches children with Asperger’s how to relate to others, making and keeping friends, how to recognize social cues and gestures, and other details such as personal space and understanding slang.

It is very important for parents to fully support and participate in their child’s therapy. Asperger’s therapies can be successfully performed by parents in the home with the proper support and training.

dealing with my demons - one by one

2011-07-26T20:37:00.004+08:00

I knew I will be opening up many cans of worms when I have my sessions with Jessica...coz they are haunting me now and somehow, my brain could not function well like how it use to be...

Imagine a drain - dumps built up overnight and one fine day, water could not be drained off to the sewage center. Instead, it contributed to the recent flood in Orchard Road. that's how I felt now - I'm stuck. Not able to defend/protect and am drowning. I need help to de - clutter and i reckon, this will take a long long time...

While I shared my family history with her, somehow I lose hope and confident in myself- to be able to raise Matthew the way I know how.... Let me explain, my family line were like a curse to all mother and child to go sour and somehow we were fatherless....My mum never knew his father, I never knew my father...at least Matthew know his father. My grandma do not have a good relationship with my mum and I do not have a good relationship with my mum. I tried very hard to break this chain or cycle fm my generation, I was determined not to bring this to Matthew's generation...but frankly, with the recent happenings, I'm loss in the woods...

I even consider giving up Matthew. Not because I don't love Matthew but I could not cope the current struggles I'm facing and had great fear that in my current condition, I am not in the right frame of mind physically and mentally to be strong for another 'mini me'.

Frankly, it's hard to be strong for myself coz I'm so tire that I had given up - trying to make sense to why all this is happening to me.... above all, I have to be strong for another person?? I told myself, I could'nt do this anymore... I could not gather the strength to go on...Yes, I was at the path of denial, of don't care, don't bother...and I know I could no longer bring him up to the way I want to unless something change in me...something that could mend my broken heart...

I reckon, I've left with only that much of love and strength to go on and someone took it all away...and I'm left to die a un-natural death...do you understand how it's like?? to lost the meaning to live....

not that the rest around are not important but you are running on empty..imagine, you are a happy car, no complains to carry passenger fm one place to another...eventhough you know your petrol is on the last litre but you still go on coz you find joy in what you do...but your car owner do not treasure you and your loyalty, your car owner drive you recklessly and landed you in a serious car accident - that's how I felt...that I'm nothing and not worth anything to the one I pledge my loyalty to...

Please don't tell me you understand coz you will never be able to...Please don't tell me what to do coz I do not want to live your life and I know I need to figure this out coz no one could pick me up except myself... perhaps time is not on my side but I need to do this before I could find the 'purpose' to live again.....

I love you, my friends but I could not rebound back to the 'old' me...perhaps it had die and I'm hoping it will be reborned again...while I'm gg through this tough time, please take good care of yourself.

At least I know what it is....

2011-07-26T19:47:00.003+08:00

Before you read on, I would request you to keep this info to yourself. Do not mention or hint it to Matthew (if you happen to met him). When everything is confirm by the experts, we will then share with him. He might read this when he is older...well, I might close down this site when he is older or simply, limit the no. of pple reading this...
=======================
My latest sharing session with Jessica on Matthew's recent happenings in the new Student care:

That he cried almost everyday at the student care over the slightest issue (to most pple) -
(1)his friends calling him Matthew Lim instead of Liew,
(2) how Matt felt that his friends should be punished and not let off even after friend apologised,
(3) how he couldn't stop talking,
(4) how he dislike loud noises and insist all to stop the noise and so on...

Jess suspected Matthew might be having Aspergers or it could be nothing at all as it's very difficult to confirm, stamp and double confirm on Asperger syndrome due to the wide spectrum of this learning disabilty...but it could be just a growing phrase, which we will confirm with the experts very soon.

Frankly speaking, I felt relieved. Not relieved that Matt could have Aspergers but at least we have a name to it and it somehow explain the 'myth' behind his behaviour. and that I could make sense of what went on in his head, not now but perhaps soon.

Having said that, I gotta train myself to cool down and wallow down 1 litre of cold freezing water whenever I'm gonna blow my top at Matt.

As his mum, if matt is ASPER, I know he is trying his best to behave but still struggles to do so, in between his tears to want to be accepted. As he could not understand why things are not happening to the way he hopes it to turn out. I strongly believes that:
- No one likes to be isolated,
- no one likes to be teased,
- no one likes to be scolded,
- no one likes to be misunderstood.

and currently, he is being misunderstood and laughed by the pple around him.....it's heartbreaking to see how others perceive your child as 'perculia', 'weirdo', 'outcast' and you have no answers to his behaviour....it kills me to see him crying everyday in school and daycare centre. and you are not able to help in anyway. Whether Matt is ASPER or not, at least I know this could be the term behind and that I can begin to look for help with the right pple...

Have you had a difficult pregnancy before? that you might die if you chose to abort? that you experienced threathen abortion due to spotting? that you fear night and day, not knowing what will go wrong with your child in your womb? and above all, you had to brave yourself through a shaky marriage and perhaps worried about money at the same time....I've been through it all. But not knowing what happen next or what to do about Matthew, is just killing me...above all the 'other' stress that I need to shouldered on...

so I yahoo-ed and I found below link (click onto the title of this blog) on Aspergers which somehow matches Matthew's characteristics or like what Jess said: it could be nothing after all....

Whatever it turns out, I love Matthew. It's hard to love when he misbehave or when I could not understand the reason behind his screams and shouts...all I can do is to constantly remind myself: gotta take one step at a time and to the best that I can - do not give up (for now).....

below are the extracts fm the website....
==========================================
It can be VERY frustrating having a child with Aspergers. The hardest part is you feel like you’ll never actually get to know your child and how they see the world in the same way other parents do. But how can you do that?

As a quick test, please ask yourself the following questions (and answer them honestly)

1.	Do you ever feel tired, frustrated or overwhelmed as the parent of a child with Aspergers?
2.	Do you feel as if you’re on a constant 24-hours-a-day knife’s edge, waiting for the next ‘crisis’ to explode?
3.	Have you ever been so angry at your child that, even for a split second you actually HATED them?
4.	Has your child ever done anything so strange or dangerous that you’ve been FRIGHTENED of what they may be capable of?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, and you’re looking for answers to your Aspergers questions, then this could be the most important letter you ever read…
------------------------------------------------------------
Although they may vary slightly from person to person, children with Aspergers tend to have similar symptoms, the main ones being:

•

Difficulties with social functioning, particularly in the rough and tumble of a school environment

•

Sensory issues, where they are oversensitive to bright light, loud sounds and unpleasant smells

•

Obsessive interests, with a focus on one subject to the exclusion of all others

•

Social isolation and struggles to make friends due to a lack of empathy, and an inability to pick up on or understand social graces and cues (such as stopping talking and allowing others to speak)

•

A rigid Insistence on routine (where any change can cause an emotional and physiological meltdown)

•

A need to know when everything is happening in order not to feel completely overwhelmed
=======================

But Before I Continue, Let Me Make One Thing Clear…

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide is NOT offering a “cure” for Aspergers. Nor would I claim that every single thing you need to help your child is in this ebook.

But if you’re looking for rock solid, proven and practical answers to your most important questions about your Aspergers child, then I am confident you will benefit from this guide.

Here’s What You’ll Discover In Your Copy Of
The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide…

•	The impact of having a child with Aspergers (and the importance of having the right information to manage the situation, and avoid a great deal of suffering and pain for you, your family and friends) pages 7-8
•	Why having a child with Aspergers can be and is a joyful gift to your family (and the ONE thing you need to make this a reality in your life) pages 8-9
•	How my guide can help you deal with the situations arising from your child’s Aspergers (and why I decided to do this NOW) pages 10-12
•	Are the problems parents of Aspergers children face different from country to country? (The answers on pages 13-14 may surprise you…)
•	*The SIX main ‘need to know’ Aspergers topics you’ll find out about in my guide* (and why they’re so important for the long-term welfare of you child – pages 15-16)
•	The most difficult area for parents of children with Aspergers to deal with, and where most help is needed (INCLUDES: details of what it is, why it’s such a big issue, and how to develop response mechanisms to cope with it – pages 17-19)
•	How to deal with your child’s obsessive-compulsive behaviors (especially if they occur in public places or school) pages 20-23
•	What you must do if your child displays inappropriate sexual behavior in public (INCLUDES: the right – and wrong – responses for when your child starts stripping and/or stares at others) pages 27-30
•	Why Aspergers children can overreact during car or plane journeys (and what you should do to manage these issues) pages 31-33
•	TEMPER TANTRUMS: all children have them from time to time, but what if it happens almost ALL the time? (Turn to pages 33-36 to discover my 3-Step Program to help your child manage their anger more effectively…)
•	How to help your child with Aspergers follow routine (without it becoming a problem or an obsession…) pages 36-39
•	The concrete ways you can help your child deal with emotions (and the best option to show them to make it a simpler learning process for them – and you…) pages 40-42
•	The FOUR major reasons why your child with Aspergers behaves in the way they do (and how to construct a monitoring system to give your child the loving support they need to manage whatever life throws their way) pages 43-46
•	The 4-step method you can use to deal with your child with Aspergers’ defiant actions (PLUS: should MEDICATION only ever be used as a last resort? Or should it be given more frequently? Our conclusions on pages 47-50)

Endometrial hyperplasia of the uterus

2011-07-18T00:22:00.002+08:00

a write up(click the title of this blog) of what I'm having now....

I took the hormal test and the results are rather interesting....

SgFreecycle · Singapore Freecycle (TM) Network

2011-07-17T21:37:00.003+08:00

wow, I didn't know there is this group in Singapore, got my regular babycenter email on parenting and child updates. read there is such a group in US and tot maybe, singapore also have so I yahooed and found the link...click onto this blog's title and it'll bring you to the group's web address....
========================
Description

The goal of the Singapore Freecycle Network is to reduce waste by connecting people who are throwing away goods with others who are seeking the same goods. Whether you're looking to discard or acquire an item, you've come to the right place. Computers, furniture, clothing, magazines - no item is too big or too small. (That said, we request that you keep in mind that this is not intended to be a Christmas wish-list. Asking for LCD TVs, XBox's, PS3s, etc., is a bit over-the-top.) Since this is a Freecycle list, ALL items must be 100% FREE and not subject to exchange or sale.

Raising Hope.....

2011-07-17T16:42:00.003+08:00

I love StarWorld!!! it has all the cool shows, sitcoms and many more....

the newest sitcom - Raising Hope - very funny, witty about a small family with mama, papa, grandma, adult son who is a new single parent to a cut-ise little baby girl....also about the conflicting parenting style fm great grandmas to grandmas to papa...

I took the quiz at the http://www.fox.com/raisinghope/quiz/ and I'm a Mixed Bag explains:

Your parenting style is all over the map, which can be good if you're embracing the best of all styles … and a complete disaster if you're working with the worst. Wherever you land on that map, as long as you're keeping your kid safe and yourself sane you deserve a hearty “congratulations” because this parenting thing is a lot tougher than it looks!
======================
Oh yeah, it sure is tougher than it looks.....

Desparate housewife SEVEN!!!!

2011-07-17T16:40:00.002+08:00

Have I mentioned it's on StarWorld now??? I'm so happy coz it help me to destress and have some laughter and fun....

Toy Story 1, 2 and 3 + Cars now on Star Movies!!!!

2011-07-17T11:42:00.002+08:00

Yes, I'm not kidding...It's on now!!!! fm 11am to 5:55pm but the slot don't have cars, only the toys story marathon fm 5:55pm to 10:50pm.

It's so great to have hubstation coz you get to record the show!!!!

ratings of the thai food delivery....

2011-07-16T21:42:00.002+08:00

food is not too bad but price is too steep for 2 main and 2 side = $27.00 inclusive of $3 delivery charge.....add another $9, I could have more items @ Sakon Thai restaurant @ Jalan Wangi .....

We spent ONLY - $36.50 and had:
3 pcs of stuffed chk wing - $6
Salt Egg Calamari - $5
Tom Yam soup Seafood - $6
Pineapple Rice - $5
Chk fried with shrimp sauce - $8
Strawberry Slush - $4
Thai Ice Tea - $2.50
2 Ice water - $0

thai food delivery...anyone?

2011-07-16T19:53:00.002+08:00

we need to walk at least 20mins to the nearest economic dinner and I'm kinda lazy today...and I don't wanna eat fast food...so I yahoo: food delivery service and found this thai food which do delivery to your doorstep...kinda excited!!

so I happily selected what I want and wait???? how do I pay??? it saids: called to order!! talk about the new era of online services....

so I called and wasted another 20mins waiting for the lady to go to the menu and do the 'clicking' for me and punch in my credit card no. and the wait for another 60 to 90mins for the delivery with a $3 charge....I hope this wait is worth it...

I'll update later on the ratings of the food....

Orang Utan...

2011-07-14T23:50:00.002+08:00

Went through Matt's English worksheet....

Me(pointing at the animal): Matthew, what is this?

matt(shrugged shoulder): hmmmm...I don't know mummy.

Me: it's orang utan...

matt: oh I know, it's the hairy thing like the porcupine....

me: yeah, orang Utah is hairy but it's not thorny like the porcupine..

matt: but mummy, I'm talking about the hairy and red in colour thing ...

me: ohhhhhh, you mean - RAMBUTAN??? omg, orang utan is an animal and RAMBUTAN is a fruit...

matt: oh, I don't know what.....

Dreamzzzzz

2011-07-14T22:05:00.005+08:00

rushed to KKFSC after work to see Jessica....

A simple 'how are you' jus somehow started the ball rolling.....Jess asked the right questions to let my well run dry and frankly, like a fart stuck in your butt for a hundred years - *poof* --------------I felt so much better after crying it out...

It's scary how the person sleeping next to you no longer shares the same dream like how it all began - to put family as the 1st priority....You see, once this happens - each will work very different ways to achieve their 'dreams' and before you know it - each drifts apart...no longer 'sing the same song'....and alas, go their separate ways....oh, so drama but tragic, right?

To the person who is in this right now, this is not dramatic in anyway - is like one day u wake up, u realize there is this small little growth in you..you ignore it coz it's so small, no harm to your body in anyway and you kinda get use to it coz it's already 'a part of you'....and one fine day, this 'part of you' - the growth gets bigger and it starts to harm you and cause drastic changes to your body. Do you get rid of it? but it's already 'a part of you', close to your heart...will u still get rid of it??

So you see, this is not something that you can guide another to do...there isn't a guidebook to solve life's puzzle. Or simply put it, we each have our own guidebook...sometimes it works fine but other times - it doesn't help at all. But when we finally find the right way...we compile them to our guidebook. Each guidebook says a different thing coz it's the route map of every life's event. I reckon, we cannot use our guidebook unto other's . In layman terms: your guidebook works for you but it doesn't mean, it will work for me. We could share our life's special moment with friends but we cannot use our methods on another person's life.

What I'm saying is - no one goes into a marriage thinking of ending it all in a divorce...I know risk is involve in every relationship and no one knows for sure what's gg to happen, 5 years later, 10 years later...who knows??

So only you have the answer, only you take charge of your life. Only you somehow knows what to do later on...In a nutshell, Jess ask me to hold on. To stand at the same spot now, to look at all the possible ways that I may eventually take and see which ones speaks to me the best....

Before my heart turns to stone...I'll do that now...be open, be free, be listening to what my heart said and to remember to breathe.....

ENT

2011-07-13T10:27:00.004+08:00

wif the referral ltr fm è gyane, i'm at SGH now wif the ENT specialist. haven't get any medicine n i gotta paid $92 for consultation 2c the senoir consultant. b4 i know what happen, nurse sprayed some drugs inside my nose 2numb nose n throat so doctor can pass a fiberoptic endoscope into my nose 2examine my nose n throat. it sounds scary. the papes said, the nose will bleed, etc.. God, the drug is damn bitter..n tis test is $250! but can claim part of it fm medisave..doctor had arranged sleep test n it's $1k! omg, so expensive! seriously, in singapore: if u r sick huh, u can die but u cannot b poor n peniliess... ----------

nominations

2011-07-12T01:32:00.003+08:00

Called IA lately to talk about my claims and she mentioned I could change my nominee now due to a change to the Ts and Cs of Insurance policy....last time, we could only nominate our parents if you are not marry and your spouse if you are married.

Guess this new ruling just comes timely, I've not decided on what I wanna do - like who to get how many percent, that kinda stuff. But I've already decided to name one of the charity organisations as the nominee if I expires. According to my IA, if the charity organisations will to close down by the time I expires - it will then be given to my next of kin.

So it's time to do some serious thinking....

Matt and his weight management checkup...

2011-07-12T01:06:00.003+08:00

nothing good to share recently but finally one pc of good news for Matt...

We visited Matt's weight management doctor recently @ KKH since we last saw her a year ago....

As she looked at Matt's growth chart in his super think personal folder....she said from the past year till now, Matt only puts on 3 to 4kg compared to him piling up a hefty 10kg within 6 months...Doctor said this is a good sign coz his heart is not so 'pressured' to pump as hard...plus his 'mushroom-ing' height - almost 1.4m for a 7 year old which somehow helps him to distribute his 'assets evenly' .

Of coz, Matt still needs lots of hard work to achieve his ideal weight of 35kg compared to 57kg now...I hoped to quickly source for a suitable goggle with 'degree' so I could enrolled him to a swimming class...I look forward to seeing Matt having a new phrase of life - a healthier and happier life..

SOS helpline in desperate need of volunteers

2011-07-12T00:53:00.003+08:00

do lend a hand if you can help...If I'm not in my current state now, I will volunteer for sure....looking at what the site say about 'signs of a person who is suicidal', I kinda fit into this description now..

-------------

SOS helpline in desperate need of volunteers

Commitment levels dip due to volunteers' busier work schedules

More volunteering opportunities elsewhere which allow ad hoc or one-off participation

Signs of a person who is suicidal

A PERSON contemplating suicide often becomes withdrawn, talks less to family and friends and starts tying up loose ends, said psychiatrist Chia Boon Hock.

Most suicides are planned rather than being an impulsive move, he said.

Suicidal people may, for example, let go of a pet they have had for years, begin spending money more frivolously, or go about arranging for someone to take over the duties they have been performing.

'For example, a husband may suddenly teach his wife how to fix the washing machine, if he usually fixes it,' said Dr Chia.

However, he said that someone who is suicidal may not open up willingly, so it is important to ask him questions to get him talking.

Asking a potentially suicidal person questions such as 'Do you find life meaningless?' or 'Is life too stressful?' can yield clues on his state of mind, and allow a loved one to help.

==========================================

HELPLINES

Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221 4444

Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283 7019

Care Corner Mandarin Counselling Centre: 1800-353 5800

do not run my life 4 me....

2011-07-08T17:23:00.002+08:00

perhaps i'm not making sense but tis is how i want it to be. at least 4 now. i might b running against time but i don't care. i've live most of my life, thinking abt others, putting others b4 me and look what "others" had done 2me...but now, its me n my time. its my race, i chose how i want 2run my life....don't tell me abt the pple that depend on me...with or without me, life still goes on...

breadtalk?????/

2011-07-07T22:27:00.002+08:00

It was 4th July, Monday and a school holiday for Matt in lieu of Youth Day so I placed him @ my mum's place....Already told Matt I'll fetch him around 6pm but I'm still stuck in the office @ 6.30!!!!

I quickly called my mum's mobile to tell her I'll be late....

me: I'll be late, where you guys now?

mum: we at bread talk now with Matt's childcare teacher....

me: breadtalk?? with her teachers?? (nearest breadtalk is 5 bus stop away, @ habourfront)

mum: yeah lah...he is very busy talking to them now...

me: alamak, do you mean his childcare near your place - sparkletots??

mum: hai na, my english no good lah...whatever talk lah...

me(super rolled eyes): omg!!

how to supporty your child emotionally so they can learn

2011-07-03T01:12:00.000+08:00

time...

2011-07-02T20:08:00.002+08:00

is it my age or is it the big 'C' that I'm easily tire nowadays....so much so that if I can avoid crossing the overhead bridge, I'll do anything to avoid that including taking a cab...

the other day, we will waiting for a cab but all were hired and 10 mins passed....

Matt: mummy, y don't we take the mrt?

me: b'coz we need to cross the overhead bridge and walk a distance before we reach the station...mummy is tire, we'll take a cab, okay?

Matt: okay....
(another 15mins passed)

Matt: Oh mummy, the time we used to wait for the cab could have lead us back home if we take the train just now...you know?

me: hai, I know, I know....hahaha, come let's take the bus then...

simple-ways-to-make-your-child-feel-special

2011-06-30T23:17:00.000+08:00

matt lose 4kg....

2011-06-30T22:40:00.004+08:00

matt grew taller and somehow slim down but his weight is like a yoyo - still remains at 57kg....at 1st it was 62kg then 59kg then 57kg then go back to 62kg and now 57kg

I control his diet with less rice, more veggie, less fatty meat, more lean meat and fish, less fried food and even lesser fast food, more fruits and fruit juice, no gassy drinks, more water....

sometimes, I really pity him coz I gave him really little and he 'feedback' that he is still hungry...hahahaha.

the exact sceniro happened yesterday...so we went to Aston, bought 2 ya gong so we could munch it while we get home...he is tire after a long day of school and at student care so I asked him to wait for me near ATM while I do some more gocery shopping so he could rest and I don't need to carry his heavy school bag around like a 'ninja turtule'....

After I'm done with my shopping, I rolled down the escalator like a ball...think my little piggy could be getting impatient waiting for me...to my surprise, he is totally not what I thought at all....

He was standing next to a couple in their early 50s, seated and having ice cream on a waffle...guess what was matt doing??? He was holding a quarter of the waffle on his hand with the heavy bag on his shoulder and happily toking to the couple...bue he shrunk his shoulder, quickly placed the waffle on the desk and placed his hands on his butt...

with a guilty look, he exclaimed: the couple gave a piece of waffle for him to 'try'...and the couple were really quick to admit that...so 3 of them were singing the same song, hahahahaha. We thanked and bid farewell to the couple..that's where I asked matt to come clean with me...

so, he said: I stood infront of the cafe because I heard my favourite song: nobody, nobody...and they talk to me lah and then they ask if I want to have some waffle...like that only what....

oh my, he looks really funny with his explaination...not wanting to plead guilty...lol.

I want to eat porridge....

2011-06-30T22:22:00.004+08:00

me: what do u wanna eat today?

matt: I wanna eat porridge..

me(raised eyebrow): porridge?? If not have, can buy noodle

matt: yeah, porridge lah...okay, also can...
==================================
In the end, I bought rice with sting ray sambal (yum yum)!!! After dinner, we chatted while he learnt his spelling....

me: why u suddenly wanna eat porridge? You are not a porridge boy leh...You are a noodle or rice boy...

matt: yeah lah, I wanna eat porridge today what...the same like what papa buy the other time...

me: do you miss papa?

matt: yeah lah, I miss him..

me: what do you miss about him?

matt: All of it...when he bring me to the school, the E-bike, the challenges (in games), the jokes papa said...most of all - we had alot of fun...

(wow, I'm so impressed with his reply - ALL OF IT).

I love ya gong....

2011-06-25T23:26:00.004+08:00

I love ya gong, maize, corn or whatever you call it.....

I almost always must have corn in a cup whenever I see one...with a bit of butter or margarine of coz...hehehehe, I am a very simple woman with very simple pleasure....

recently, I'm kinda addicted to Aston's side dish - corn on the cob!! Like every other day, I gotta have one....and it's only $1.50!! I'm so glad that there are 2 stalls so near to my house...one at city square mall and the other at golden wall kopitiam - short street which is opposite Teka Ctr...

I don't know how they do it but the corn is so smooth and soft and super nice.....Thank goodness, corn have many benefits (see below) or else I don't know how to give it up....yummy yummy....

below extracted fm http://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/cereal/health-benefits-of-corn.html

Health benefits of corn include controlling diabetes, prevention of heart ailments, lowering hypertension and prevention of neural-tube defects at birth. Corn or maize is one of the most popular cereals in the world and forms the staple food in many countries including USA, Africa etc. It not only provides the necessary calories for daily metabolism, but is a rich source of vitamins A, B, E and many minerals. Its high fibre content ensures that it plays a role in prevention of digestive ailments like constipation and haemorrhoids as well as colorectal cancer. The antioxidants present in corn also act as anti-cancer agents and prevent Alzheimer’s.

saturday - 25th june 2011

2011-06-25T20:24:00.003+08:00

so many places 2go but too little time 2do so...

saw 8 days that jack neo looking 4 new child actor n actress fm 8yrs to 14yrs old boy or girl. tot of getting matt 2try but didn't go today coz didn't make it in time. its fm 11am to 8pm at tai seng ave. scoprion house, haha so near my working place.

we went to toa payoh(so near your house, qiqi) 2buy new uniform pants 4 matt. he slimmed down by 4kg n old pants were 2loose liao...actually I didn't want to buy new pants for him...thought I could save some money but looking at how matt pulls up his pants while he walked - really kinda funny and he were complained as he walked like a 80 year old man...so we chop chop curry poke, buy 2 and adios, Toa Payoh!!

after that, went taka - took our lunch n 4 è 1st time, i bought sumting 4 myself wif TV..2 long umbrells wif handled (onli $6.90 each), 2 kiki brand flip flop "looked alike" slip in n 1 automatic umberalla wif touch light at è handle ($29.90). then we saw the toy fair n matt wanted 2buy toys. of coz, i said "no" and he buy it!!

then we rushed home 2wait 4 my the courier to deliver my g markert package. the bag was not bad, I've always like bag with weave design and when I saw it at G with reasonable price...I quickly click click click and wala, it was delivered today~~

after that, we went to bras basah complex 4 è 3 days sale up to 70% ending tomorow. quite dissapointing coz not much items 4 sale. then matthew got all wet while playing water boat at uncle ringo. Matt was soaked wet but he is happy and laughing all the way while we walked to sunshine plaza 4 dinner and the wind somehow blew dry matt's tees. pants n shorts-panter! hahaha...

Oh, we saw yong hong n eileen eating é famous wanton mee at sunshine...yh asked if it's due to pressure that I've slimmed down so much...for a while, I don't know what to say...exactly how do you tell pple that you have the big 'C'?? I think I said, it's due to my health that I've went down so much...

Overall, it was a good day spent...though we wish very much to go to expo for the food fair and many more and my stiff neck is back again...I gotta find time to go Macpherson 2morrow to fix this problem...

it just went down down down....

2011-06-23T23:43:00.002+08:00

1st it was 100+ then 90+ then 80+ now...yeah, that was / is my weight past and present....

I eat too much and that is my way of coping stress...sure, it's not the best way but apparently, that's the easiest way for me...and now, I'm losing them all due to everything that I'm carrying on my shoulder...

sometimes, I got so worry and I'll eat more then usual but can't stomach it and end up merlion-ed everything...past few days, friends questioned what I did to shed the kilos...I wanted to blurt out everything(in my head) but I didn't....I said: I could not eat as much as i used to....

the funny part was how kids pick up what they see and the questions they asked...yes, I'm toking about my little piggy....I skipped my dinner most of the time coz I really can't stomach anything in the evening...perhaps I'm tire and just wanna sleep or simply, no food could interest me anymore except maybe some corn bread or some ya gong...

matt: mummy, is it that girl don't eat or they eat very little for dinner?

me(with raised eyebrows and big eyes): not really...but y do you said that?

matt: hmmmmmm.....b'coz you always eat so little , you know....but boys always eat alot, like me!

me(LOL): that's not true really...mummy is on some kind of special diet lah..

matt: oh.....but mummy, don't u worry about it..coz I'll help you to finish your food, okay?

me: yeah rite....

Eat Pray Love

2011-06-22T22:35:00.002+08:00

on our way to Genting, I watched this movie in the coach....I felt the same way as how Julia Roberts portrayed herself with the author - empty and on zero to the inside of me, totally nothing to offer to anyone or myself. Too bad, I'm not as rich or I would go for a 2 years tour to find myself before I return - whole again.

It's scary how I survive on ground zero and it don't feel good at all....that explains how the me went missing after so long...I've been living the life (not of others) not of how I wish I could have...I have not regretted them so far till last December.

To think the sacrifices I've made to make this work and there you are, out there doing what you wish and not spared any thought for us, specially me. Not riches and gold that I ever expect of you but to love and protect and in return this is what I've got...

U gave a new definition to 'self-destruction' to yourself and to the pple who love you the most and you left me alone, dying....I know I deserve more then you can ever give but I'm weary, badly injured and yet I dragged this body to nurse my young...It doesn't sound pretty at all and I could not tell if we are better than before.

For one thing, I'm sure: I need to recover before I could breathe, before I could regain my sanity.

national spelling bee

2011-06-21T02:49:00.002+08:00

woke up by hunger n slept too early (at 7:30pm). nothing to watch on tv reali..n to tink that ESPN is screening national spelling bee! n the kids are as young as 8yrs old! most are indian 2nd generation young kids who spoke fluent american accent english.. i'm amazed at how è kids could remembered the extensive nos. of words in their small dynamic brain! u know, its rather hard to teach matt spelling. n i have 2come up wif very creative method 2help him remember the words. frankly, sumtimes i ran out of ideas but tis time, it mostly work when i associate the word wif food. eg. bread, i said: b 4 brocolli, r 4 radish , e 4 egg, a 4 abalone n d 4 donut. matt: eel, what a funni food! but he remembered it like his name! hahaha..

ballon fest at Genting...

2011-06-20T19:30:00.006+08:00

lazy piggy

2011-06-20T19:17:00.002+08:00

the jam was not 2bad when we fm sing to tuas customs. matt was so excited wif the games n movies on è coach bus. but he vomitted while we went uphill..he is reali lazy when it comes to walking around. he jus wants 2r&r in è hotel room. he was real dissapointed when both hotels in genting n kl do not come wif bathtub. matt was real funni when he watched spongebob..matt:wow, spongebob is reali good wif his malay. n though he don't understand malayu but still wanna try 2make up what they said n refused 2let me change è channel! i wanted 2shop at KL but matt simply don't let me do so...the onli ting i bought was 4pcs of sloggi undies,, alamak!

5 regrets people have on their deathbeds

2011-06-18T16:05:00.001+08:00

my bucket list

2011-06-18T13:54:00.008+08:00

everyone should have a bucket list so they could fulfil each before they die...have you come up with yours yet?

my bucket list:

reduce 35kg or to regain my 26 year old figure;
to learn horse riding;
fulfil the 1st to reduce all the pressure on my knees and go for a marathon
to tour Europe and the neighbouring countries;
to sky dive;
to regain my sensual singing voice;
to learn how to play music instrument so I can sing and play at the same time...piano, guitar or voilin.
to be a social worker;
to be a certified sign language teacher;
to impart parents the skill of baby sign language and the joy to commiuncate of Matthew and myself even before he learns how to speak.
to be a tour guide;
to shop @ gmarket with abundance of cash;
to sponsor 10 kids instead of 1;
a kitchen big enough to contain all the baking equipments;
to learn how to bake a cake and bread and every other baking items;
to be a desert chef
to learn driving and to own a car;
to fly a plane;
to volunteer for half a year in overseas event for a good cause;
to learn how to cycle;
to learn how to swim;
to own a dog;
to refurnish my home;
more to come after I remember them all...
above all , to be happy

numb...

2011-06-18T00:37:00.002+08:00

I was numb for a while...took any bus that came to the bus stop and went round and round geylang, kallang and McPherson estate....at last ended at GV Plaza. Wanted to watch Hangover 2 to have a good laugh but in the end chose super 8...

I thought it was some kind of comedy and who knows it's abt a boy's tension and struggles with his dad after his mum passed away and his growing up with his friends and his crush with the girl. Not too bad a show, some parts were kinda funny though but I was crying at most parts of the show...I can't help it but hope, Matt could be as brave as the boy and that he could have good friends like how I have my buddies.

I was very sad to see that Matt do not have friends in the school and that he ate alone in the canteen every day. Sometimes, he is okay with that but other times, he came home crying and said he wants to change his school.. I can't say for sure why this is happening. It could be, he has difficulty adapting to his school or that he really has a learning disability. above all, I believe my depression has directly affected to how he feel.

I felt helpless, guilty, etc. all rolled into one. I could not swicth to the 'nurture' mode just by a snapped of finger. I hated myself, I blamed myself but at the current situation, there is really nothing much that I could do...yes, we seek help by gg for therapy sessions but not as regular as we want to due to the operating hours of the family centre and my work hours. I can't stop working for now and I feel stucked in every direction that I tried to move..

I wanted very much to have another child but will need to risk with 25% chance of genetic disorder if I do get pregnant. I'm not ready to part with my womb for now and I don't want to take the hormone pills for I heard it do affect some women with depression which is something I could not go through again on top of what is on my shoulder. ha ha, perhaps I could die of stress and tension rather then cancer. Just look at me, anything could happen.

When I thought I could finally depend on someone to just love and protect me, the recent happenings last December. Just when you thought, nothing worst could have happened - this big 'C' comes along. so now, I have to get rid of the big 'D' follow by the big 'C' or else it will be the end of me...wow, it actually rhymes...

....

2011-06-17T15:27:00.003+08:00

i received sms fm 1 of my bud today that she had prayed 2 GOD 4 good news 2my result n life should not b unfair to me any longer. i refused to go there - self pity coz i know it won't help me in anyway. buddies ran out of words 2comfort me n i understand that. i won't know what 2say if my buddies go thru è same ting. those who know how i survive my rough childhood, being rejected by my own mum, my rocky marriage, my risky pregnancy n my recent depression wif everything else n now tis cancer. i'm not angry or anyting. i jus tell myself- i'm not dying yet. i still have time 2tink of what to do nxt n tis is onli the initial stage. perhaps tis is what i need to go through to complete my path here before i finally depart fm tis world. don't feel sorry 4me. walk wif me, will u?.

the big 'C'

2011-06-17T10:07:00.003+08:00

the verdict- it is è big 'C'. 2 options fm doctor - to remove womb or to take hormone pills now n do another biospy test 6 months later to test è severity of è cancer. has life been unfair to me? 4 now, i can't say 4 sure coz my is full of 'excitment'. i'm not angry or sad but wish 2b left alone n am tinking what to do NEXT

a bad stomach cramp

2011-06-16T12:04:00.000+08:00

woke up with a bad stomach cramp which I nearly ripped off my stomach....21 hours to the verdict.